Conversations with Critters

Walk with the animals. Talk with the animals. And the highly anticipated release of Chapter 17 of The Case of the Bowled Over Bowler Hat!

Today! Critters, we are pleased to present the highly anticipated release of Chapter 17 of The Case of the Bowled Over Bowler Hat! Brought to you by the ever steady and at the ready J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency! Because! It’s time, right here, right now for our Detective Tuesday Post!

Previously! Our Critter Detectives made some serious cracks in the case of this smooth operation at the Manor House on the other side of the Pond and not a shot was fired. Full stop.

Meanwhile! Back in the Situation Room, the investigation is about to go deeper and deeper, so please join our Core Community Critters Jasper Kitten, Chris and Jojo in excellent past and present commentary and conversation. Take it away!

Jasper: Welcome, Friends! Great to have you here with us as we are in the final stages of the investigation!

Chris: Hello, Dear Gentle Critters and Dear Gentle Readers! How has the past influenced the present? Why, we aim to find out. What. Is. It?

Jojo: Hello, Everyone! That’s a good question, Chris. If not the question. So, let’s go go go!

THE CASE OF THE BOWLED OVER BOWLER HAT

BOOK 2 FROM THE J KITTEN, SLEUTH & PURVEYOR OF BRIGHT SHINY OBJECTS DETECTIVE AGENCY

BY JASPER KITTEN, CHRIS, JOJO AND STAR IN HEAVEN FUREVER AND EVER

DEDICATED IN LUVLUVLUVING MEMORY OF STAR

CHAPTER 17

TOMFOOLERY

Tamsin Mixon-Bixon’s confiscated phone sat on the table of evidence in the Situation Room under the close scrutiny of the Critter Detectives. In a rapid tap tap tapping of his toebeans, Chris searched the data, paying close, very close, attention to the text messages. 

He paused. Jasper Kitten and Star leaned in. Jojo stepped over from his station, guarding the door, and the Cadets, who kept watch on Tamsin Mixon-Bixon in the far corner of the room, set their auditory senses to their highest and most keen level.

“I see,” mewed Jasper Kitten. “Yes. It is as I suspected.”

The Critters conferred and concurred over the confiscated phone.

“Thank you, Chris, for this most astute analysis of the text messaging data,” continued Jasper Kitten.

“You’re welcome, Jasper Kitten,” growled Chris, loud and proud.

“It is definitive, but not what we thought initially. In fact, the text that Mallory Southlands-West sent in the billiard’s room did not go to Cadet Clementine, after all. It. Went. To. Tamsin Mixon-Bixon.”

Chris scrolled through the Tamsin Mixon-Bixon text messages.

“Here. It. Is.” Chris gave one more tap of his toebean and the screen lit up.

“Correct, Chris,” confirmed Jasper Kitten. “The threat that Cadet Clementine received was in fact sent from Tamsin Mixon-Bixon. However. Mallory Southlands-West was texting Tamsin Mixon-Bixon in the billiards room and it was not pretty.”

“Why, it was really wordy for a text message, too,” added Chris. 

Jasper Kitten nodded in the affirmative and read Mallory’s message out loud.

“I am the legitimate illegitimate descendant of Theo Purrington-Smith and Vanessa Southlands-West. Furthermore cuz you’re a loser, you don’t stand a chance of buying Purrington with all of that New Money of yours. Full. Stop.”

“Gosh, Mallory clearly stated that she knows Tamsin’s new money motive!” barked Star.

“Yes, Star, I see,” mewed Jasper Kitten. “If my instincts serve me correctly, Tamsin Mixon-Bixon wanted to use her new money to settle old scores and force Lord Archibald off his lands.”

“Why, Dame Cleopatra must’ve figured it out, too, by finding Theo’s portrait at the Top Cat Pub,” growled Chris. 

“Correct, Chris. She stumbled across the information,” replied Jasper Kitten. “Hence the abduction at lunch.”

“But why not abduct Mallory?” queried Chris.

“I believe,” mewed Jasper Kitten, “that Tamsin was merely getting warmed up up up over the pudding. She started with Cleopatra in order to neutralize a threat to Tamsin’s plans to pillage Purrington. Mallory’s devious and deceptive demise may have been planned for a later but inevitable mealtime.”

Jasper Kitten paused while Cleopatra roused from her sleep. She stretched and sat up and saw Tamsin in the opposite corner. 

“You!” yowled Cleopatra, well within earshot of Tamsin. 

“Dame Cleopatra,” yawned Tamsin. “How lovely to see you here among such esteemed company as the world renowned J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency.”

“Oh, you are too kind, Tamsin Mixon-Bixon,” retorted and snorted Cleopatra.

Jasper Kitten, Chris and Star padded over to Cleopatra. 

“How perfectly charming of them to protect you from yourself,” called Tamsin.

The calico hairs on the scruff of Cleopatra’s neck bristled. Jasper Kitten knelt down and whispered to her.

“Dame Cleopatra,” he mewed, “it is imperative that you continue to engage Tamsin in conversation. Perhaps she will reveal information which could be of great importance to the investigation and cracking the case wide open. Please. Proceed.”

She gave a subtle nod and called out to Tamsin.

“Tamsin Mixon-Bixon! Your new money money money will not be enough to out maneuver the J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency!” she exclaimed. “Purrington shall remain calm and carry on as in the days of old!”

Jasper Kitten patted her with a white gloved paw. Dame Cleopatra was all ears as he whispered to her again.

“Well done, Dame Cleopatra. Tamsin Mixon-Bixon is quite provoked as we can clearly see from the position of her ears. You are doing A-okay,” he affirmed.

“You are quite the comedienne, Dame Cleopatra, heiress to the Firestone-Fields Ginger Ale Brewery fortune. Too bad you can’t afford to buy a pint out of your own bankrupt pocket and keep yourself gainfully entertained,” laughed Tamsin.

“You sold me out!” cried Cleopatra.

“Tsk. Tsk. And. Tsk,” hissed Tamsin, her ears flattened. “It was the least you could do to save face and sell that controlling interest to me. A toast to you, Dame Cleopatra Firestone-Fields. Heiress.”

“You think  you can waltz in here and buy us all out?” cried Cleopatra.

“Of course not, Dame Cleopatra. I can’t buy you out. But I can buy up so much in the surrounding area of the Purrington Estate and the Village of Mewingham as to put, shall we say, a noose around it and force all of you out. With. My. New. Money,” clarified Tamsin.

“You will never, not ever, run Lord Archibald off his ancestral lands,” pointed out Cleopatra with a retractable claw.

“I beg to differ. You will all be history. You. Lord Archibald. The British Shorthair Society. Oh and by the way,” hissed Tamsin, “I can hardly thank you enough for staying at that chocolate box of a pub which I also now own. It is ever so adorable and a fixture of the community, but sadly I had to close it for renovations. Still, I do so hope you enjoyed the accommodations in the Snug.”

“You only closed the Top Cat Pub to hide that stolen Victorian portrait of Theo Purrington-Smith and his white tipped tail tomfoolery,” said Cleoopatra. “It must have slipped your mind that I still have a key to the pub which was gifted to the Firestone-Fields family many generations ago for our services to the Ginger Ale tradition.”

“How dare you insult the lineage of Theo who is most certainly my Purrington ancestor of great genetic and social esteem,” snapped Tamsin, again poised to lunge.

The Cadets furrowed their brows and Tamsin recoiled. Her white tipped tail slapped at the floor.

“Congratulations on being an ancestral byproduct of Theo catting around back in the Victorian day,” sighed Cleopatra.

Tamsin hissed and glared across the Situation Room at Cleopatra.

“And furthermore, Tamsin Mixon-Bixon, I must add that flattening your ears is most unbecoming. You look like a Scottish Fold.”

Tamsin lunged a full step forward, but the Cadets leaned in and stopped her. Clementine angled her head to the right and Petal angled her head to the left and Tamsin, stopped in her tracks, had nothing more to say. 

“Dame Cleopatra,” mewed Jasper Kitten, “I do believe that you are now showing complete positive signs of recovery. You are bright and alert and responsive.”

“Yes, Jasper Kitten. Quite. I feel quite refreshed,” she replied, grooming a calico toebean across her head.

“My concern at this time, however, is that you are not well hydrated. I would like to have Cadets Clementine and Petal escort you back to your private and personal quarters in the Manor House.”

“It does seem like quite a long time has transpired since I was abducted over my pudding. Have I missed dinner, Jasper Kitten?” she asked.

“Yes, Dame Cleopatra. However. I will summon Sebastian to bring a nourishing broth to your room and a fresh bowl of water.

“That is most thoughtful of you, Jasper Kitten.”

“Of course. Of course. May I please advise you, as well, to sip both the broth and the water slowly and completely before you retire for the evening,” he advised.

“But Jasper Kitten, that means I will undoubtedly need to get up during the night and go to the litterbox. I would prefer to sleep undisturbed until the morning. I am beastly tired,” she emphasized.

“Thank you for bringing your needs to my attention, Dame Cleopatra. However and furthermore. You are dehydrated due to your long hours without eating or drinking, generally, and from your Ginger Ale consumption, specifically, and I must urge you to rehydrate your system,” he confirmed.

“Well, if you say so,” she responded, raising her brow. “You have, after all, saved my life today. For that I am most grateful, Jasper Kitten.”

“Thank you, Dame Cleopatra. I do so appreciate your understanding and cooperation,” he affirmed.

Jasper Kitten padded across the Situation Room and conferred and concurred with the Cadets. Tamsin crouched in the corner as Clementine and Petal were all ears, listening to Jasper Kitten but never taking their eyes off of their guarded target.

“Please, Cadets Clementine and Petal. Proceed to escort Dame Cleopatra back to her quarters.” Jasper Kitten stepped closer to Tamsin, her ears still flattened.

The changing of the Critter guard moved like clockwork. The Cadets crossed the room to Cleopatra and she departed from the Situation Room with them by her side. Chris and Star joined Jasper Kitten in the corner with Tamsin while Jojo remained in his sentry position at the door. 

Through the halls of the Manor House, Clementine and Petal guided the Calico to her quarters and noted the activity of the rest of the British Shorthair Society guests, the laughter, the purrs and the convivial conversation that floated from various rooms.

Upon entering Cleopatra’s private and personal chambers, she gave a deep deep sigh and settled right away into the bed. A tray of steaming broth and a fresh bowl of water rested on the nightstand.  She lifted the spoon and took a sip of the broth.

“Jasper Kitten will be most pleased to know that you are taking his advice to hydrate your system, Dame Cleopatra,” complimented Petal.

“Yes, please do convey to the Ginger Striped Sleuth that I am minding my health,” she replied between sips.

Working together, the Cadets fluffed the pillows and propped Cleopatra up in bed.

“How are you feeling for comfort, Dame Cleopatra?” asked Petal.

“I am, as you say, A-okay,” she replied, her head sinking into the pillows.

Clementine and Petal made a thorough security sweep of the quarters and found them in good order. They stoked the fire and the warmth radiated throughout the room, a soft glow of shadow and light played at the foot of the bed.

“May we assist you with any further needs beyond your hydration, warmth and comfort, Dame Cleopatra?” inquired Petal.

“Thank you, Cadet Petal. You are most attentive, but I must rest now. My thanks to both of you for your most excellent assistance and security,” praised Cleopatra as she blinked and fell into a sound sleep.

A small amount of water remained in the bowl, but the Cadets noted that Cleopatra had indeed consumed the necessary nourishment and fluids to rehydrate her system. They nodded to each other and padded from the room.

Outside of the library, they stopped and listened. The horizontal white stripes on the backs of their sensitive Serval ears began to rise to the highest of auditory levels. The grandfather clock chimed on the quarter hour.

“Almost midnight,” said Clementine.

“The evening has flown by,” said Petal.

They watched the pendulum of the clock swing back and forth, tick tick tick, tock, tick tick tick, tock, tick tick tick.

“Petal?” asked Clementine.

“Yes, Clementine?” asked Petal.

“Is it my imagination or does something sound off with the tick and the tock of the grandfather clock?”

“I’m all ears, Clementine. Something sounds off with the tick but not the tock,” evaluated Petal. 

“We must return at once to the Situation Room and report to Jasper Kitten,” urged Clementine.

“Roger that!” cried Petal.

The Cadets raced against the ticking of time and fled back to the Situation Room.

“Jasper Kitten!” they cried at once.

“What is it Cadets Clementine and Petal?” he called from the corner of the room where he stood guard over Tamsin.

“We have detected a most inconsistent and disconcerting ticking of the grandfather clock in the library!” reported Clementine.

Alarmed, Jasper Kitten rushed to the Cadets who stood at attention. Chris and Star remained on guard of Tamsin Mixon-Bixon as a subtle but nevertheless obvious smirk began to spread across her resting British Shorthair face.

“What is the specific aural notation when the pendulum swings that you have observed with your keen auditory senses?” queried Jasper Kitten.

“When it swings back and forth, the pendulum has extra ticks but only one tock,” relayed Petal.

“I see,” mewed Jasper Kitten. “How many ticks to every tock have you detected, Cadets?” he inquired.

“Three ticks for every one tock,” confirmed Clementine.

“Petal? Did you count the same specific three to one ratio of ticks to tocks?” pressed Jasper Kitten.

“Correct. Three to one,” she affirmed.

“Cadets, your observations are most astute. The tick tock pattern is indeed most inconsistent and disconcerting,” Jasper Kitten swatted the air with a white gloved paw. “It. Is. An. Aberration. Of. Time.”

“But what does it mean, Jasper Kitten?” cried Clementine.

A yowl and a howl rose from the corner of the Situation Room and Tamsin Mixon-Bixon laughed out loud.

Jasper Kitten wheeled around toward Tamsin’s corner.

“Tick. Tick. Tick,” she laughed again and again and again.

“Tamsin Mixon-Bixon,” said Jasper Kitten. His voice was calm and he carried on. “What have you done to the grandfather clock in the library?”

“Thank you for the question, Jasper Kitten,” she yawned. “I thought you’d never ask.”

He stood stock still, waiting, not moving a whisker of his Orange striped brow.

“Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret while you have me trapped here in a little corner of this horrid and natural pile of a Manor House,” smiled Tamsin.

“Go on,” he said.

“Full disclosure for the edification of the J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency. I. Planted. A. Bomb.” Tamsin Mixon-Bixon’s words stung and hung in the air.

“I see,” mewed Jasper Kitten and looked Tamsin dead in the eye.

“At the stroke of midnight,” she went on. “In T minus nine lives.”

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

Poetry with Pets

T minus nine lives

The midnight hour draws near

Tick tick tick and tock

By Jasper Kitten, Chris and Jojo

Thank you for reading luvluvluv Jasper Kitten, Chris, and Jojo

Critters! Catch up on all of the mystery and adventure with The Case of the Bowled Over Bowler Hat! Book Number 2!

Chap. 1🐾Chap. 2🐾Chap. 3🐾Chap. 4🐾Chap. 5🐾Chap. 6🐾Chap.7🐾Chap. 8🐾Chap. 9🐾Chap. 10🐾Chap. 11🐾Chap. 12🐾Chap. 13🐾Chap. 14🐾Chap. 15🐾Chap. 16

Furthermore!

The Case of the Misplaced Priority Envelope! The Complete Book Number 1!

Chap. 1🐾Chap. 2🐾Chap. 3🐾Chap. 4🐾Chap. 5🐾Chap. 6🐾Chap. 7🐾Chap. 8🐾Chap. 9🐾Chap. 10🐾Chap. 11🐾Chap. 12🐾Chap. 13🐾Chap.14🐾Chap. 15🐾Chap. 16🐾Chap. 17🐾Chap. 18🐾Chap. 19🐾Chap. 20

(Coming soon to IngramSpark, too!)

The Case of the Misplaced Priority Envelope