Conversations with Critters

Walk with the animals. Talk with the animals. And the highly anticipated release of Chapter 11 of The Case of the Bowled Over Bowler Hat!

Mar 18, 2025

Today, Critters, we are pleased to present the highly anticipated release of Chapter 11 of The Case of the Bowled Over Bowler Hat! Brought to you as always and furever by the J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency! Because! It’s time for our Detective Tuesday Post! Hooray! Hooray!

Previously! We went on one of the wildest rides in the annals of time when our Detectives discovered a dumbwaiter and rode it up up up to a mysterious and cluttered and locked attic. Now! On the verge of the arrival of the guests we must ask our Core Community Critters Jasper Kitten, Chris and Jojo a most pressing question. What. Will. Happen. Next!

Please, join them in excellent question mark question mark critter commentary and conversation!

Jasper: Hello! Welcome to our Dear Gentle Critters and Dear Gentle Readers. So much has happened, but so much remains to be seen.

Chris: Thank you, Jasper, and that dumbwaiter sure was a lot of fun to take on a wild ride.

Jojo: It sure was, Chris! Now Critters, where will the action take us next? Let’s. Take. It. Away!

THE CASE OF THE BOWLED OVER BOWLER HAT
BOOK 2 FROM THE J KITTEN, SLEUTH & PURVEYOR OF BRIGHT SHINY OBJECTS DETECTIVE AGENCY
BY JASPER KITTEN, CHRIS, JOJO AND STAR IN HEAVEN FUREVER AND EVER
DEDICATED IN LUVLUVLUVING MEMORY OF STAR
CHAPTER 11
THE GUEST LIST

Jasper Kitten held the guest list of the Annual Gathering of the Royal and Incredible British Shorthair Society in his white gloved paws. In her own cinnamon brown paws, Star held a map of the rooms in which the British Shorthairs would be staying upon their arrival at the Manor House later in the morning, at the top of the ten o’clock hour. All of the rooms were on the main level and down the opposite hallway from the Tea Room.

With the tandem teamwork of their toebeans, Jasper Kitten and Star led the entire J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency room by room in a thorough security sweep.

Cadets Clementine and Petal searched under the beds and scanned the interiors of the box springs. Jojo surveyed the top of the beds and under the pillows and covers, plus the drawers of the nightstands and dressers. Chris scoped out the ensuite litterboxes.

They cleared each space one by one and checked it off both the list and the map.

“The room of Isadore and Elizabeth Sparks-Stokes. Check,” mewed Jasper Kitten.

“Copy,” barked Star, studying the map throug her reading glasses.

“Mallory Southlands-West. Check.”

“Copy.”

“Maximus and Kitty Jones-Lovejoy. Check.”

“Copy.”

“Tamsin Mixon-Bixon and Jeremy Sox-Box. Check.”

“Copy.”

“Sunny and Opal Bertram-Turner. Check.”

“Dame Cleopatra Firestone-Fields. President. Check.”

“Copy.”

“Security sweep complete,” pronounced Jasper Kitten.

The Critter Detectives conferred and concurred on their next best steps.

“Cadets Clementine and Petal,” barked Jojo.

“Yes, Ret. Sgt. Det. Jojo,” they saluted at attention.

“You are assigned to guard the Situation Room at all times during the next two days and two nights while the guests are here on the Purrington premises.”

“Roger that!” they replied.

“We will ensure that all of your needs are met for eating, sleeping and grooming, but you must remain vigilant. At. All. Times,” instructed Jojo.

“We will not waiver. Nothing bad will happen to the evidence. Not to the Bowler Hat. Not to the Diary of 1850. Not to the Bog Body of Reginald. Not. On. Our. Watch.” Clementine and Petal marched to their post.

Jojo followed with the secure skeleton key and opened the door to the Situation Room for them. He then left them to their duties and walked toward the front of the Manor House.

A car caught his attention, the slow approach of the tires on gravel churned closer and closer. A red roadster blocked the original Mini and a Calico hopped out, stumbled and caught her balance. Jojo hung back out of sight as Sebastian approached her.

“Good morning, Dame Cleopatra,” announced Sebastian. “Please, Madam President, allow me to carry your luggage indoors.”

“Thank you, Sebastian, I see you are as reliable as ever. Thank you very much.” She popped the boot of the roadster open and Sebastian hefted and heaved a large suitcase onto the gravel drive.

“Am I the first of the guests to arrive?” she inquired.

“Yes, Dame Cleopatra. We expect everyone here at the top of the ten o’clock hour.”

“Of course,” she purred. “And what time is it now?”

“A few minutes past nine o’clock, Madam President,” said Sebastian.

“Well, it was a short drive from my lodgings at the Top Cat Pub, but you can never tell what with traffic in Mewingham these days. I always like to allow for extra time lest I feel rushed,” she breezed past him.

“Of course, your timing is impeccable. Please, come in,” replied Sebastian, straining against the weight of the suitcase.

Jojo observed them as they covered the distance from the roadster to the Manor House and disappeared inside. He ambled over to the car and gave it a quick inspection, noting the open bottle of Ginger Ale in the cupholder, and then he too went back inside.

In the foyer, Archibald reached out with his paws wide.

“Cleopatra, welcome back to Purrington,” he exclaimed.

“Archibald, so very good to see you, kiss kiss,” she said, pressing her cheek against his.

“Under your leadership, the Annual Gathering of the Royal and Incredible British Shorthair Society is sure to be a runaway smashing success, Madam President,” Archibald further exclaimed.

“Ah, Archie, you are too kind to me, too kind,” she meowed and pressed her cheek against his again. “Kiss kiss.”

“Cleo,” Archibald lowered his voice into a conspiratorial whisper, “I must let you in on a little secret before the rest of the guests arrive.”

She leaned her head back from his by a whisker and watched him from the corner of her eye.

“I have deemed it necessary to increase the level of security this year out of an abundance of caution. Let me assure you, it is nothing of concern. Please. Allow me to introduce Jasper Kitten of the J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency.”

Jasper Kitten stepped forward out of the foyer shadows and bowed his Orange striped head to Dame Cleopatra.

“Ah, Jasper Kitten, the legendary and world renowned detective. Your reputation precedes you,” she said.

“A pleasure to meet you, Dame Cleopatra. My agency is at your service.”

“Thank you, Jasper Kitten. Thank you very much,” she purred. “Jasper Kitten is that double barrel name of yours hyphenated?”

“In fact, Dame Cleopatra, it is not,” he replied.

“You know how my stress and duress has advanced with age,” said Archibald. “Jasper Kitten and his detectives give me a deep deep sense of calm.”

“Of course they do, Archie, of course. You couldn’t find a better sense of security in the whole wide world. Only the best for you, my friend, and yes, I do recall in previous years that the entertainment and recreational aspects of the Annual Gathering got a little, shall I dare say, wild?”

“You could say that again, Cleo,” chuckled Archibald. “Especially the billiards and shooting range. Now, please, come have a spot of tea. You must be thirsty after the drive from Mewingham and how was that horrid traffic anyway?”

Archibald led Cleopatra down the hall and out of sight of Jasper Kitten’s ever watchful eye.

“Gosh, Jasper Kitten, she seemed pretty easily convinced about why we’re here,” considered Star, stepping into the foyer with Chris and Jojo.

“I see, Star,” mewed Jasper Kitten. “Archibald seemed to overplay his hand a little, but she clearly has a great deal of trust in his judgment.”

“Jasper Kitten,” barked Jojo, “after the Cadets took their station in the Situation Room, I happened to see Dame Cleopatra drive up in her red roadster.”

“Thank you for sharing this observation with us, Jojo. This could be valuable and intriguing information,” replied Jasper Kitten. “Please. Proceed.”

“She parked in such a way as to block our original Mini. The top was down and I observed an open bottle of Ginger Ale in the cupholder.”

“I see, Jojo. It’s quite early in the morning for an open bottle of Ginger Ale,” mewed Jasper Kitten. “Were you able to detect with your keen canine olfactory senses if the contents were stale versus fresh? Perhaps the bottle had been opened in previous days?”

“The bottle smelled quite fresh, Jasper Kitten,” reported Jojo. “In fact, not only did it reach my keen olfactory senses, but the sound of the fizz was quite noticeable as well.”

“Thank you, Jojo, this auditory observation is most important to establish that the bottle was recently open open opened. Thank you very much for being all ears. Furthermore, the carbonation would have gone flat fairly fast, so we can say with all probability that Dame Cleopatra was drinking and driving.”

“Why, she did seem a little tipsy walking down the hall with his Lordship,” growled Chris, low and slow.

The grandfather clock in the library chimed the ten o’clock hour while the Critter Detectives concluded their conversation in the foyer. They looked up up up one last time at the Purrington Ancestral Portraits before the arrival of the guests. As the tenth chime rang out, a blast of a car horn and a spray of gravel roused their attention and they hopped to it.

“We’d better make ourselves scarce lest we alarm the arriving guests,” mewed Jasper Kitten and the Detectives made their way upstairs, peering through the slats of the railing.

Sebastian stood on the edge of the drive by the front porch. Another car horn blasted, followed by a klaxon cacophony and the much anticipated arrival of all of the guests and the very commencement of the Annual Gathering of the Royal and Incredible British Shorthair Society at the Manor House of Lord Archibald Purrington-Smith.

With the ancient ancestral oak door open wide, Jasper Kitten, Chris, Star and Jojo watched the unfolding procession of British Shorthairs. From the cars, out hopped Isadore and Elizabeth Sparks-Stokes, Mallory Southlands-West, Maximus and Kitty Jones-Lovejoy, Tamsin Mixon-Bixon and Jeremy Sox-Box, and Sunny and Opal Bertram-Turner.

“Gosh,” whispered Star, “all of them are British Blue Shorthairs.”

“Check, check and double check,” Jasper Kitten switched and twitched a whisker to the right and to the left of his Orange stripes. “Our discernment of coat patterns must become highly individualized,” he mewed. “Highly.”

“Why, some of them have different kinds of white markings,” noted Chris. “Spots on their chests, a white toebean here, a white toebean over there, even a white tipped tail for Mallory Southlands-West.”

“Gosh, that’s a very good point, Chris, both subtle and nuanced,” complimented Star as she squinted through the rail.

“Yes, and somewhat although not entirely relatable for me,” Chris tap tapped his gray and white flank.

The Critters continued to crouch down while the guests filed into the foyer, purring and meowing. Sebastian, laden with their luggage, zigzagged around them and headed for their rooms. He made two trips and then returned promptly and directed the group to the drawing room.

“Gosh, Sebastian sure is adept at herding cats,” observed Star.

“Yes, I see,” mewed Jasper Kitten. He led them downstairs and they padded down the hall to the drawing room, remaining hidden from view outside the door.

Trays of kibble scones and steaming pots of tea lined the side table and the guests settled into the comfy cushions of the wingback chairs and the Extra Long Couch. They snacked and chatted and sipped their tea and then all looked up at once.

Cleopatra waltzed in to meet and greet them.

“Darlings, welcome to the latest and the greatest of all of our Annual Gatherings in the annals of time at the Purrington Estate. The Royal and Incredible British Shorthair Society knows no bounds,” she exclaimed with great fanfare.

A round of uproarious applause erupted in the drawing room with hip hip hoorays and a chorus of meows.

“And now, my friends and esteemed colleagues, please welcome welcome our Host, the British Shorthair of all British Shorthairs among us, Lord Archibald Purrington-Smith!” She swept her Calico paw toward the door and Archibald sauntered in as they all rose in greeting.

“Please, please, my cherished and welcome guests. Please, sit down, make yourselves comfortable and at home. Have a snack, get reacquainted with one another and we’ll be back for our first event on the incredible agenda very soon.”

He lingered a moment longer, adjusted his monocle and then mingled among them.

“Gosh, Mr Lord of the Manor seems kinda hesitant,” whispered Star.

“He must sense something is off,” nodded Jasper Kitten, an Orange stripe beginning to furrow on his brow.

“Why, he looks A-okay, though. No signs of a flinch,” growled Chris, low and slow.

“He’s still Blue and not turning ashen,” observed Jojo.

“Jojo, if your first responder instincts serve you correctly, do you anticipate a vasovagal syncope episode?” asked Jasper Kitten. “Do you see any signs of it?”

“So far so good, Jasper Kitten, but I’m ready to put my toebean on his pulse to protect the well being of Lord Archibald our Client. Even. If. That. Blows. My. Cover,” affirmed Jojo.

The Critter Detectives hushed and watched the room as the meeting and greeting continued to unfold in the midst of the British Shorthairs.

“My dear Isidore and Elizabeth, thank you so much for making the journey,” called Archibald to the couple. “My most illustrious friends.”

Archibald bowed to them and they spoke in confidential mews for a moment before he ambled over to Mallory. The Detectives tracked the movements of Isadore and Elizabeth as they made their way to the side table of kibble scones.

“Gosh, they have a shifty looking glance,” commented Star.

“Why, they seem to be looking practically sideways at that dame, Cleopatra,” growled Chris, low and slow.

“Chris, she is a Dame, cap D, not that dame,” mewed Jasper Kitten.

“Gosh, another confounding use of the English language,” whispered Star, the light flashing in her eyes.

“Thank you for the clarification, Jasper Kitten and Star,” said Chris with the tap tap of a toebean.

“Ah, Mallory, I would know you anywhere with that white tipped tail,” called Archibald. He extended his wide open paws to her. “I’ve known you since you were a wee kitten.”

“Lord Archibald, such an honor to be here,” she replied.

“Thank you for carrying on the family tradition, my dear,” he said.

“Of course, Lord Archibald, my parents always held you in the highest esteem as do I,” she said.

Archibald bowed his head to Mallory and moved on to greeting Maximus and Kitty.

In a warm embrace, the three laughed among themselves and ate a kibble scone each, a gesture in polite society that registered with Jasper Kitten’s alert sense of detection.

“They appear quite at ease with each other. A relaxation of body language and bonding over shared food with no evidence of resource guarding.”

“Gosh, Maximus even groomed a few crumbs from Kitty’s whiskers,” observed Star.

Archibald stepped away from them and approached Tamsin and Jeremy who stood off in a corner of the room.

“Gosh, did Tamsin slap Jeremy’s toebean away in a subtle but noticeable act of hostility to the trained eye?” asked Star.

“Why, she must really have an issue on some kinda level with her Critter companion,” said Chris.

“Yes, I see,” mewed Jasper Kitten, tuning in to Archibald as he spoke to the pair.

“The corporate life in London is most certainly demanding, my young friends. Thank you ever so much for making the time to attend this year and we are ever so grateful for your generous donation to the British Shorthair Society.”

“We wouldn’t miss it for the world, Lord Archibald,” purred Tamsin. “No amount of demands on our toebean technology start up could keep us away. And our productivity has been so productive, well, we had time to get away for two days and two nights.”

“Such an honor to be here with you, Lord Archibald,” replied Jeremy.

“Why, they might be in need of couple’s therapy,” commented Chris.

“If my instincts serve me correctly, I’d say they are what is known in the vernacular as new money,” assessed Jasper Kitten.

“That certainly adds something to the mix,” said Jojo.

Crossing the room again, Archibald extended his toebeans to Sunny and Opal who placed their cups promptly and properly back on the saucers.

“Lord Archibald,” they cried, “so good to see you. You are looking well.”

“Thank you kindly, Sunny and Opal. I take it that all is well with you, too?” he asked.

“Couldn’t be better, we adore our early retirement,” they cried. “And the Annual Gathering is off to a fabulous start. Absolutely. Fabulous.”

Archibald beamed with pride and readied himself for an announcement to the group.

“My friends and fellow British Shorthairs. May I have your attention please. Lunch will be served at high noon in the banquet room with a special pudding preparation unique to Purrington. I will see you there shortly and do continue to talk amongst yourselves until you hear the bell.”

He stepped out of the drawing room and drew up short, spotting the Critter Detectives hard at work making their initial observations of the guests. Jasper Kitten nodded to Archibald who gave a sigh of relief and continued toward the banquet room where he seated himself at the head of the table.

Sebastian rang the bell for lunch and the guests proceeded from the drawing room to the banquet room, chatting while they hopped onto their chairs. Archibald gave the nod to Sebastian who closed the door of the dark panelled and windowless room, filled with the aroma of the special Purrington pudding scooped into each guest bowl.

Archibald tap tapped his spoon against his goblet and the room quieted to a hush.

“My esteemed guests, we have a great deal planned for our meeting and with our President’s leadership, this will be one for the record books.”

“Here! Here!” they called in response.

Jasper Kitten looked through the keyhole and scoped out the lunch as it got underway. Chris, Star and Jojo provided necessary backup if something untoward were to happen at lunch.

They remained on high alert and their instincts did, in fact, serve them correctly for no sooner did the British Shorthair Society guests dip their spoons into their Purrington pudding then the lights went out and plunged the banquet room into darkness.

Jasper Kitten turned the doorknob, but it held fast, locked against the force and immediacy of his white gloved paws.

Cries filled the banquet room, distressed and frightened. Glass shattered. Crockery smashed. Jasper Kitten grasped the knob with all of his strength and he twisted and pushed until the door gave way. Water flooded against his toebeans and then the lights came back on.

The startled guests had jumped onto the banquet table, toebeans splattered with pudding, and they looked with feral terror as the Critter Detectives stormed into the room, the water rushing and gushing, rising higher and higher.

“A pipe has burst!” wailed Archibald. “And where is our President? Where is Dame Cleopatra? Where. Is. The. Calico?”

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

Poetry with Pets

The guests have arrived

The lights go off and back on

Old and new money

By Jasper Kitten, Chris & Jojo