Conversations with Critters

Walk with the animals. Talk with the animals. And the highly anticipated release of Chapter 18 of The Case of The Misplaced Priority Envelope…

Today, Critters, we climb to new heights with the highly anticipated release of Chapter 18 of The Case of The Misplaced Priority Envelope! Previously, we left off with the devious and deceptive Nefarious Perp and his Perp Crew on the run! Thank you for staying tuned at the peak of this dramatic perp suspense! Where do we go from here? Let’s find out with our Core Community Critters, Jasper Kitten, Chris and our Senior Adopted Jojo!

Please, join them in excellent on the lam critter conversation! Take it away!

Jasper: Welcome welcome to Chapter 18, Critters! I am ready to bring these Perps to justice!

Chris: Hello, Everyone! What. Will. Happen. Next? Will I shred the Nefarious Perp once and for all? Or will I need to get by with a little help from my friends?

Jojo: Friends! Thank you for being here with us for these incredible narrative developments, so here we go go go!

The Case of The Misplaced Priority Envelope

Book 1 from the J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency

By Jasper Kitten, Chris and Star in Heaven Furever and Ever and Introducing Jojo

Dedicated in luvluvluving memory of Star

Chapter 18

To The Lighthouse

Meanwhile, back at the Victorian cottage on the left, the pile of Perps filled the entryway, the shattered door flattened beneath them.

A flash of fur, a blur both swift and silent, jumped onto the porch, small and agile and followed by a second furbaby similar in both size and in silence.  

Clementine and Petal arched their backs, both of them locked their sight onto the nefarious Hoomans heaped in the doorway and proceeded to pounce.

“And what, exactly, brings you here, Nefarious Perp,“ menaced Clementine.

He began to speak through gritted teeth, under the weight of his crew, but Clementine cut him off.

“That was a statement not a question in case you need the clarification,” she swatted his nose.

 “We’re gonna destroy each and every one of you Perps cuz you stole our Family,” added Petal.

“You little brats!” cursed the Nefarious Perp as he climbed to the top of the Perp pile.

The Critter Detectives came running up to the cottage at the exact moment that Clementine and Petal singled out the Nefarious Perp and unleashed their full fury on him. He batted at them, but they held fast, biting down on his ears.

“Furbabies! Stop!” called Cecil.

“Clementine! Petal!” called Rose. “The J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency has arrived!”

“Please, let the professionals handle the situation,” instructed Cecil, his green eyes catching the attention of his daughters.

“Yes, Daddy,” they hissed, letting go of the Nefarious Perp’s pinned ears.

“Excellent, we’re very proud of you, but come back indoors. Good girls. Our Detectives have extra help from Law Enforcement, too,” said Rose, catching sight of Sgt. Det. Jojo with a fist full of handcuffs.

Jasper Kitten had set Finnegan down on the path, a safe distance away from the cottage, and then strode forward. Now, he vaulted onto the porch with a single orange striped bound.

“We’re done here, Nefarious Perp. Det. Sgt. Jojo, cuff ‘em.”

“Why, I’ll help you with that,” growled Chris low and slow.

Jojo handed a set of cuffs to Chris. He pulled the Nefarious Perp’s arms behind his back and slapped the cuffs on his wrists. Chris clamped down on the cuffs, hard. 

Jojo cuffed the Perp Crew and dragged them to their feet. 

“I’ve radioed my deputies. They’ll be here soon to haul your carcasses to jail.”

Jojo marched them down the steps. The Nefarious Perp brought up the rear, but as he stepped onto the stairs, he kicked with full force at Chris and sent him sprawling.

“Kitty, kitty,” laughed the Nefarious Perp in his high thin voice and then took off running straight toward Finnegan.

“After him!” called Chris. He jumped back onto his toebeans and sprang forward.

The Nefarious Perp ran at Finnegan, but the Rhinoceros Auklet stood his ground.

“Approach me at your peril, Nefarious Perp!” he flapped his clipped wing. “The jig is up!” 

“Come with me, Finnegan! Do it!”

Finnegan remained stock still.

“Now! Do what I say! You’re critically imprinted on me!” screamed the Nefarious Perp.

“Not. On. Your. Life.” Finnegan stamped a yellow webbed toebean on the path.

“I don’t believe you!” wailed the Nefarious Perp. 

“Perhaps, Nefarious Perp, you would do well to look behind you. But. You’ve never been very good at that,” said Finnegan flatly. “Oh. And by the way. Now that you have your hands cuffed behind your back, see how it feels? Yeah. You.” 

Finnegan flapped his clipped wing again. 

Star chased after the Nefarious Perp with the full strength and speed of her can do Chihuahua attitude.

“We have brought you to justice, Nefarious Perp!” she barked, bearing down on him before he could reach Finnegan. 

The Nefarious Perp pivoted away from Finnegan and ran toward the uphill trail to the lighthouse. 

Star ran after him and closed in. Jasper Kitten and Chris followed in hot pursuit.

“You can run,” cried Jasper Kitten, “but you cannot hide!”

“How do you like running with your nefarious, money grubbing hands cuffed behind your back!” yelled Chris.

“Let’s see how far you get, Perp! Nefarious Perp!” roared Jasper Kitten. He swatted the air with a white gloved paw in a grand display of cat and mouse.

The Critters traversed the switchbacks, relentless in their pursuit of the Nefarious Perp. The lighthouse towered over them as they reached the summit of the hill.

The Nefarious Perp ducked inside and disappeared from view. The J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency stopped right outside the door, caught their breath, and conferred with one another.

“According to my mathematical estimate, the lighthouse is approximately 358 feet high,” calculated Jasper Kitten.

The Detectives craned their necks toward the top of the lighthouse.

“As we speak, the Nefarious Perp most likely is taking the stairs. His movements and patterns have been quite predictable,” summarized Jasper Kitten.

“With his hands cuffed behind his back, he’ll have nowhere to go but down once he reaches the top of the lighthouse,” cautioned Chris.

“Correct. The force of gravity combined with his nefarious nature leaves nothing to the imagination. It is both logical and elementary,” replied Jasper Kitten.

“Jasper Kitten and Chris, the Nefarious Perp has entered a trap of his own making,” said Star, the light flashing in her eyes. “I’m ready to go in. These next steps will bring him to justice.”

“Star, you must not tackle him alone. We’ll go together and see this case cracked wide open open open. Once. And. For. All.” Jasper Kitten placed a white gloved paw on Chris and on Star. “If he thinks we’ve fallen behind, he is mistaken. Critters. Let’s bring him in. On behalf of our Clients, the Serval Family, on behalf of Finnegan and the freed Captive Critters, and on behalf of the Animal Kingdom. Please. Let. Us. Proceed.” 

Star opened the lighthouse door with her cinnamon brown paw. Footsteps echoed from above. The Detectives stepped into the chilled dank interior.  

“The acoustics of the footsteps tell us that he is climbing higher and higher,” confirmed Jasper Kitten.

“He must be quite winded by now,” said Chris, flexing his toebeans. “All the better to have given him a little more time to wear himself out. All the easier for me to shred him.”

The Detectives began their slow and steady climb, scaling the spiral staircase. 

Jasper Kitten raised a white gloved paw and signaled, stop. They stood a few feet below the landing, the footsteps from above reduced to the creak of a floorboard and then silence.

They waited. The moment was close, so close they could reach out their toebeans and touch their penultimate investigative success.

Jasper Kitten swatted the air and they rushed the landing, springing, pouncing, targeting the Nefarious Perp who stood in the doorway to the narrow balcony, his back to them.

He turned around and gave a derisive laugh.

“There’s nowhere to go but down, Perp. Nefarious Perp,” mewed Jasper Kitten.

“Thank you for catsplaining that to me, Jasper Kitten. Like I already said, you cats overthink everything. You’re a real genius. Jasper. Kitten.”

“You are not a very nice person, Mr. Nefarious Perp, and you are very disrespectful,” barked Star. “We are here to bring you to justice.”

“Gosh. And what would that be exactly, Star?”

She glared back at him.

“What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue? Kitty. Kitty,” he laughed.

“Like Finnegan said, the jig is up, Perp,” stated Jasper Kitten.

The Nefarious Perp tap tap tapped his feet, dancing on the doorway's edge. He spun on his heel and stumbled, then steadied himself.

“Nice move, Perp,” growled Chris loud and proud.

“Would you care to dance, Chris?” laughed the Nefarious Perp.

“You’re the one who’s late to the dance, Perp,” replied Chris.

“Time. Is. Up,” said Jasper Kitten, advancing on their target.

“Come any closer, J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency and I’ll kick your stars and stripes all the way back to San Francisco,” hissed the Nefarious Perp, stamping a foot at Jasper Kitten.

Jasper Kitten swiped once and then twice at the Nefarious Perp’s shoe and slashed a deep tear, drawing blood.

“That,” said the Nefarious Perp, withdrawing his foot, “was a cheap shot coming from a little kitty like you.”

“Why, we’ve only just begun to shred you,” Chris said in defence of Jasper Kitten.

The Nefarious Perp gave a shrug and laughed.

“You’re not above the law, Perp,” replied Jasper Kitten. “But you are above shark infested waters.”

The Nefarious Perp looked around, the roiling ocean 358 feet below. He blinked and swallowed hard, then gave another derisive laugh above the crash of the waves.

“It is ironic,” continued Jasper Kitten, “that the ocean is called the Pacific when it is anything but that.”

“So. You’re even more than a mere genius, Jasper Kitten. Now, you’re an oceanographer, too. Yeah. With a capital O. I’m impressed by your scientific acumen. I’m floored,” laughed the Nefarious Perp, taking a deep breath of the ocean air.

“Gosh, Mr. Nefarious Perp, you’d better exhale this invigorating ocean air all the way out,” barked Star. 

The Nefarious Perp sighed and turned to face the balcony again. He took a step outside. 

Star took a flying leap and bit down on the back pocket of the Nefarious Perp as he tried to balance himself on the metal deck. She held fast as he pitched forward, pulling him back against his own momentum, trying with the clutches of her Chihuahua might to defy gravity.

Jasper Kitten and Chris stormed ahead, but it was too late. The Nefarious Perp plunged over the railing. He spiraled in the air with Star attached to his pocket. Jasper Kitten and Chris watched them fall into the void.

They looked down over the rail in time to hear metal on metal.  Below the balcony, the Nefarious Perp was hanging by his handcuffs from an iron bracket that jutted out from the lighthouse. And Star, the light flashing in her eyes, was hanging on from the seat of the Nefarious Perp’s pants.

Stitch by stitch, the pocket began to tear. Star dropped a little lower and then lower still.

Chris climbed over the railing and reached out for her. He narrowed the gap between them. Two feet separated his toebeans from her cinnamon brown paws. Another stitch tore. Then another. The Nefarious Perp kicked and flailed, but Star held on. 

Jasper Kitten climbed over the railing and shot a knowing glance at Chris. They formed a chain with Jasper Kitten holding onto Chris by his tail. Jasper Kitten and Star stretched and stretched to the full extent of their toebeans. And then, in one final mutual strain, they clasped paws, both white gloved and cinnamon brown bound together. Jasper Kitten pulled Star free.

Chris climbed back over the railing, pulling Jasper Kitten and Star along with him. They crouched down on the balcony as the Farallon winds picked up and rocked the narrow enclosure. Rust spread out from the balcony bolts, corroded from years in the salt and wind and Pacific storms, bleeding into the white paint of the lighthouse.

They heard the iron bracket snap below them. Now at the mercy of physics, the Nefarious Perp hurled into the air in a free fall according to the laws of nature and far far beyond his corrupt control.

He landed, dashed on the rocks and swept out to sea and the waves, rising in a torrent, carried him away. A dorsal fin circled in the clouded water and then disappeared below the surface.

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

Poetry with Pets

Growl loud and proud

For the animal kingdom

A breath of fresh air

By Jasper Kitten, Chris and Jojo and dedicated in luvluvluving memory of Star who shines so bright for the Animal Kingdom

Thank you for reading luvluvluv Jasper Kitten, Chris, Star in Heaven Furever and Ever, and Jojo

Critters! Catch up on all of the mystery and adventure with Chapters 1-17 of The Case of The Misplaced Priority Envelope! Brought to you by the J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency!

Chap. 1🐾Chap. 2🐾Chap. 3🐾Chap. 4🐾Chap. 5🐾Chap. 6🐾Chap. 7🐾Chap. 8🐾Chap. 9🐾Chap. 10🐾Chap. 11🐾Chap. 12🐾Chap. 13🐾Chap.14🐾Chap. 15🐾Chap. 16🐾Chap. 17