Conversations with Critters
Walk with the animals. Talk with the animals. And First and Foremost! The paperback publication of The Case of the Misplaced Priority Envelope! Plus! Ch. 8 of The Case of the Bowled Over Bowler Hat!
Today, Critters, we are pleased to announce the Paperback Publication of The Case of the Misplaced Priority Envelope! Available now on Amazon for your reading pleasure. Brought to you by the J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency! Hooray! Hooray!
And now! We present the highly anticipated release of Chapter 8 of The Case of the Bowled Over Bowler Hat! Hooray! Hooray!
Because previously! We left off with a bog body and a buried family secret. Please, join our Core Community Critters Jasper Kitten, Chris and Jojo in excellent up-to-date deep deep critter commentary and conversation. Take it away!
Jasper: Hello and welcome, Critters! I’m so excited to present the latest detective developments! Furthermore! I’m so excited to judge our first book by its cover. Because. It. Is. Orange. The End.
Chris: That’s right, Jasper Kitten. As we continue to publish our detective series, we are planning a special design that represents our Critter Coat Patterns book by book. The End Again.
Jojo: Yeah. I. Feel. Good. About. It. In fact. Our next book cover for The Case of the Bowled Over Bowler Hat will be cinnamon brown in luvluvluving memory of Star. And Now! Chapter 8!
THE CASE OF THE BOWLED OVER BOWLER HAT
BOOK 2 FROM THE J KITTEN, SLEUTH & PURVEYOR OF BRIGHT SHINY OBJECTS DETECTIVE AGENCY
BY JASPER KITTEN, CHRIS, JOJO AND STAR IN HEAVEN FUREVER AND EVER
DEDICATED IN LUVLUVLUVING MEMORY OF STAR
CHAPTER 8
TURN THE PAGE
Jasper Kitten stood in the Manor House foyer, his Orange striped brow furrowed, and looked up up up at the portraits of ancestral Purrington British Shorthairs. In return, the pantheon stared down at him, frozen in time, century by century, which was exactly and specifically what mattered the most in the moment to Jasper Kitten.
His sight came to rest on a portrait in the lower corner of the hall, closest to the ancient ancestral oak door where he and his Critter Detectives had first presented themselves so very recently. Yet, the brief passage of time already felt like years had gone by to the Orange Striped Sleuth, as long ago as the portraits themselves.
The British Blue Shorthair that captivated his interest stood posed outdoors by an oak tree, framed in a ray of sunlight that fell across him.
“Ah, Jasper Kitten, there you are.”
“Lord Archibald,” he mewed, turning around, “how are you feeling this morning?”
“Quite well, thank you,” he bowed. “My apologies for the lateness of the hour as we are well nigh going on noon.”
“Yes, I see,” replied Jasper Kitten. “Have you had your morning meal?”
“I have indeed,” said Archibald. “I dare say, I was rather famished. Sebastian served my breakfast in bed, actually.”
“Of course. Of course. Lord Archibald, if I may be so bold as to inquire, who is your illustrious ancestor presented in this painting in the lower level of the corner?” Jasper Kitten extended a white gloved paw and referred to the British Blue Shorthair.
“Yes, Jasper Kitten. That is a Victorian Era Ancestor called Reginald. He was a cousin on the Smith side of the family,” commented Archibald.
“He does look rather regal,” replied Jasper Kitten.
“His story is more baffling than regal, I’m afraid,” added Archibald.
“I see,” mewed Jasper Kitten. “In what way?”
“Well, legend has it that he left the Manor House for a villa in Italy, on his Grand Tour, and took up permanent residence on the Riviera. Something about preferring to bathe in the sun. Certainly ridiculous to the British Shorthair sensibility, naturally,” snorted Archibald.
“Thank you for the clarification, Lord Archibald,” mewed Jasper Kitten. “Any idea as to when during the Victorian Era this trip to Italy took place?”
“Ah, yes, that was quite a lengthy historical time, wasn’t it?” Lord Archibald considered Jasper Kitten’s question for a long moment and then continued, “well, it would have been somewhere in the mid-nineteenth century if I recall my ancestry correctly, actually.”
“Thank you, Lord Archibald, thank you very much. Now if you have a moment, I would like to bring you up to date with a great deal of reassurance in regards to the active unfolding investigation on your behalf as conducted by the J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency. Perhaps we could speak privately and with discretion in the library?” asked Jasper Kitten.
“But of course, Jasper Kitten, I’m all ears,” agreed Archibald in his most mellifluous British Shorthair meow. “Sebastian is preparing luncheon for all of you to be served shortly in the Tea Room. I will ring him from the library as to our whereabouts.”
“Thank you for the consideration of your time,” replied Jasper Kitten.
Archibald and Jasper Kitten padded down the hall, through the gallery of British Shorthair statuary and turned into the library.
“Lord Archibald,” mewed Jasper Kitten, “I am most pleased to inform you as to our investigative progress on your case.”
“Thank you, Jasper Kitten,” sighed Archibald, “this brings me great relief to hear you say so.”
“Of course, of course,” assured Jasper Kitten with a nod of his Orange striped brow. “Furthermore, we have set up a Situation Room and are hard at work analyzing a set of clues which we have discovered. Our Canine Unit, Star and Jojo, will be providing ongoing security for the examination of the evidence. You can rest assured that we are doing everything in our power to keep you and your soon to be arriving guests as safe as possible.”
Archibald visibly relaxed while he listened to Jasper Kitten.
“We have also received communication from the Cadets Clementine and Petal who were highly instrumental in helping us crack our last case,” continued and confirmed Jasper Kitten.
“Did they communicate through email or through the advent of a light blue Airmail letter?” asked Archibald.
“Through text message, actually,” replied Jasper Kitten.
“Ah, yes, very well,” said Archibald. “And will they be assisting in the Purrington investigation?”
“Yes, they are en route from across the Pond on a military transport,” said Jasper Kitten.
“This is welcome news, Jasper Kitten. My understanding is that the Cadets belong to the species of cats known as Servals, is that correct?”
“Yes that is correct, Lord Archibald. They are not exactly what would be called in the vernacular domesticated,” indicated Jasper Kitten. “Clementine and Petal are the Furbabies of our previous Client. Their parents are Cecil and Rose who are enjoying their freedom on the Savannah.”
“Yes, thank you for the clarification, Jasper Kitten,” replied Archibald. “They are quite legendary along with your world renown.”
“Thank you, Lord Archibald. Furthermore, I would like to assure you that the Cadets will be here tomorrow morning on a shore leave. They will assist us under the direct supervision of Ret. Sgt. Det. Jojo. Star will also offer them direction as needed within the purview of our Canine Unit.”
“This is most reassuring, Jasper Kitten. Most. We need all paws on deck here at the Manor House. It is truly imperative to the Purrington Estate that the Annual Gathering of the Royal and Incredible British Shorthair Society take place without a hitch,” Archibald paused and cleared his throat. “Or. A. Glitch.”
“Lord Archibald, I believe we have neutralized the source of the threatening emails. Chris has played an instrumental role in achieving this positive outcome. However and Furthermore. We are continuing to monitor the situation and remain entirely vigilant on your behalf in the rare event of an erroneous, as you say, glitch,” cautioned Jasper Kitten.
“This is most reassuring again, Jasper Kitten,” exclaimed Lord Archibald. “Most. Reassuring. Indeed.”
Archibald placed his monocle as Chris padded into the library.
“Thank you, Chris, for your service to the Purrington Estate,” bowed Archibald. “Jasper Kitten has briefed me that you have neutralized the threat.”
“Sure thing, Lord Archibald. Let’s just say, I cut the cord. You won’t be getting any more hacked emails from that Smooth Operator. Not by a whisker. Not by a toebean.”
“This is most excellent news, Chris. Most. For this I am exceedingly grateful. Please, if you will excuse me now. I am quite appreciative of these updates on the case and must proceed with the last minute details before the arrival of my illustrious and esteemed guests in the morrow. I will notify Sebastian to make haste and begin service in the Tea Room.” Archibald rang the bell and retreated from the library.
“My stomach is growling, Jasper Kitten,” growled Chris, low and slow. “I’ll check in with Star and Jojo in the Situation Room and we’ll meet up with you for lunch.”
“Thank you, Chris,” replied Jasper Kitten and they walked into the hall together in time to see Sebastian carrying a tray.
“We’ll be there in a flash,” cried Chris, angling toward the Situation Room.
Jasper Kitten lingered a moment and then began to walk not to the Tea Room but back to the foyer, his Orange striped brow furrowed deep deep in thought.
“What did I miss?” he mewed under his breath. “It’s there, but I just can’t put my toebean on it.”
He looked up up up at the portrait of Reginald, stately yet alone, posed next to the oak tree, in a ray of sunlight, in the lower corner of the wall.
“That’s it. That. Is. It.” Jasper Kitten swatted the air with a white gloved paw and tore down the hall, rushing past the statuary of British Shorthairs, and peeled into the Tea Room.
Chris, Star and Jojo looked sideways at Jasper Kitten as they scooted their chairs toward the table and reached for the tray of kibble scones. They dipped their spoons into steaming bowls of fish soup.
Jasper Kitten leapt into a chair and grabbed his spoon.
“Gosh, Jasper Kitten, you’ve really worked up an appetite!” barked Star, clasping a kibble scone in her cinnamon brown paw.
“Not exactly, Star,” cried Jasper Kitten, his spoon held suspended over his bowl.
“Well, whatever it is, you gotta eat,” urged Chris, popping a kibble scone into his mouth.
“Critters, we must continue our analysis in the Situation Room. At. Once. I have come to the realization of a most sensitive nature!” Jasper Kitten took a bite of food and dropped his spoon into his bowl of soup with a clatter and a splash.
He hopped down from his chair.
“Jasper Kitten, you have only now sat down to eat,” barked Jojo, sitting at attention.
“The evidence may have been buried for almost two centuries, but! Time. Is. Of. The. Essence.” He raced from the room.
Chris, Star and Jojo downed their soup and hopped to it. The Canine Unit rushed after the blur of Orange fur. Chris was hot on their heels, but pivoted back to Jasper Kitten’s bowl of soup and downed it in one gulp, then and only then and without breaking stride, he ran after his companions in record time.
Meanwhile, back in the Situation Room, Jasper Kitten found a clean sheet in the cupboard and placed it over the British Shorthair bog body.
“RIP, Reginald,” he mewed with a bow of his Orange striped head and was joined in a moment of silence with Chris, Star and Jojo.
Next, he proceeded to inspect the diary of 1850 and discovered the pages dry enough for further analysis. With the magnifying glass held in his white gloved paw, he opened the muddied and bogged down book and turned the first page to the first date of January 1, 1850.
“Catio. Toast,” he read out loud. “Here, see for yourselves.”
He passed the magnifying glass to Star.
“Gosh, Jasper Kitten, we traveled light for the transatlantic flight, but we usually have one magnifying glass per Critter Detective on our roadtrips,” Star pointed out with a cinnamon brown paw.
“Yes, jumping the Pond made this singular large magnifying glass a necessary function of pragmatic packing,” agreed Jasper Kitten.
“Perhaps there are magnifying glasses in the library for a more efficient distribution among Detectives,” suggested Jojo.
“Critters, please allow me to check cuz this one magnifying glass for the entire detective agency is slowing us down in my humble opinion,” growled Chris, low and slow.
“Thank you for your efforts in improving our international efficiency, Chris,” complimented Jasper Kitten as he continued to turn the pages.
“You’re welcome!” replied Chris.
He ran off to the library and returned with not one but two large magnifying glasses. He paused and stood in the stairwell outside of the Situation Room. Jasper Kitten waved a white gloved paw to usher him in, but Chris stood his ground.
“Jasper Kitten, I can’t break protocol and introduce food into the feline forensic sterile environment.” He pulled a pair of kibble scones from his pocket and held them up. “I swung by the Tea Room, too.”
“I see,” mewed Jasper Kitten. “Please, Chris. Proceed.”
Chris popped the kibble scones into his mouth, munched and crunched, and swallowed once, then twice. He wiped his paws clean.
“I’m A-okay now,” he said, walking into the Situation Room and tapped a toebean on two magnifying glasses that he set down on the table.
“Chris, I do apologize for all of this dining and dashing,” said Jasper Kitten. “We need to maintain proper nutrition, including the added importance of bringing balance to our circadian rhythms due to jetlag, and I will try my best to weigh out our metabolic needs with the pace of the case.”
“Thank you, Jasper Kitten. Thank you very much,” said Chris. “These magnifying glasses were by the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary Set.”
“Gosh, the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary Set certainly has come in handy as a reference thus far, both as a doorstop and a natural place to find additional magnification,” remarked Star, reaching out with a cinnamon brown paw.
“Correct, Star,” said Jasper Kitten.
“Chris, you and Star should utilize the two magnifying glasses,” confirmed Jojo. “I’m standing guard by the door to ensure the security of the Situation Room.”
“Thank you, Jojo,” replied Chris.
“Thank you very much, Jojo,” replied Star.
“You’re welcome!” barked Jojo, taking his position at the door.
Star adjusted her reading glasses, prepared for the next stage in the analysis, but Jasper Kitten held up a white gloved paw after he had completed turning the diary of 1850 page by page with great finesse and dexterity of his toebeans.
“It is as I suspected,” he concluded.
“What. What is it, Jasper Kitten?” asked Chris.
“The only entry is for January 1st, New Year’s Day, 1850. Full stop.” Jasper Kitten swatted the air, then rested his white gloved paw on the table. “Right before lunch, when I closely observed the Portrait Gallery of Ancestral Purrington British Shorthairs in the foyer, Lord Archibald was able to identify a Victorian Era cat called Reginald from the mid-nineteenth, a cousin on the Smith side of the family.”
“Gosh, Jasper Kitten, no wonder you suspended your spoon over your steaming bowl of fish soup!” cried Star, the light flashing in her eyes.
“Yes, Star,” mewed Jasper Kitten. “My instincts kicked into a very high gear of detection as I considered the family narrative of Reginald’s departure for his Grand Tour and a place in the sun.”
“And then what happened to him, Jasper Kitten?” asked Chris.
“Lord Archibald said that Reginald stayed in Italy, sunbathing. But I am convinced, based on the bog evidence before us, that this is a fictional family narrative passed down over many, many generations. If my instincts serve me correctly, the New Year’s celebratory toast of 1850 in the Catio was a ruse. A. Set. Up.”
Jasper Kitten, Chris and Star huddled close together and Jojo was all ears, standing guard in the doorway.
“Furthermore. I suspected and as we have now confirmed, that the diary of 1850 would be entirely empty of entries after January 1st. Because. 1850 began as Reginald’s life ended. A most fateful beginning and ending. All. At. Once.” Jasper Kitten barely moved a whisker.
The Critter Detectives bowed their heads in another moment of silence before Jasper Kitten continued with his assessment and case summary.
“There was no Grand Tour of Italy and no sunbathing on the Riviera or anywhere else other than being buried in the bog. Nothing other than a fight of sheer and mere mortal combat.” Jasper Kitten rested the magnifying glass on the table next to the diary of 1850.
“Now we need to find out what the other guy really looked like,” barked Jojo at attention.
🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾
Poetry with Pets
A long time ago
Once lost and now found
Sunbathe furever
By Jasper Kitten, Chris & Jojo
Thank you for reading luvluvluv Jasper Kitten, Chris, Star in Heaven Furever & Ever, and Jojo
I love how Chris had time for the soup 😂 that would be me too, Chris! You can't solve a mystery on an empty stomach.
Congratulations on publishing, Heidi! Looking forward to my copy arriving! Awesome chapter and looking forward to reading more. :)