Conversations with Critters

Walk with the animals. Talk with the animals. And the highly anticipated release of Chapter 16 of The Case of the Bowled Over Bowler Hat!

Today, Critters, we are pleased to present the highly anticipated release of Chapter 16 of The Case of the Bowled Over Bowler Hat! Brought to you by the ever steady and at the ready J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency! Because! It’s time, right here, right now for our Detective Tuesday Post!

Previously! We left off at a high point of dramatic tension, from Jasper Kitten’s spoon held in a state of animated suspension over a steaming bowl of fish stew to the Critter Detectives staring down the double barrel of a shotgun!

Please, welcome our Core Community Critters, Jasper Kitten, Chris and Jojo in excellent triggered critter commentary and conversation. Take. It. Away!

Jasper: Hello, Dear Gentle Critters and Dear Gentle Readers! When I hold my spoon over my bowl in a state of suspended animation, it can mean one thing and one thing only!

Chris: That’s right! It means we’re all about to hop to it!

Jojo: Correct, Chris! In our Previous Chapter, we ended up staring down the double barrel of a shotgun!

Jasper: Is it the beginning or is it the end? Let’s find out now!

THE CASE OF THE BOWLED OVER BOWLER HAT

BOOK 2 FROM THE J KITTEN, SLEUTH & PURVEYOR OF BRIGHT SHINY OBJECTS DETECTIVE AGENCY

BY JASPER KITTEN, CHRIS, JOJO AND STAR IN HEAVEN FUREVER AND EVER

DEDICATED IN LUVLUVLUVING MEMORY OF STAR

CHAPTER 16

NO LUVLUVLUV LOST

Chris broke the silence on the other end of the gun.

“Why, you’re not Mallory Southlands-West with a white tipped tail,” he growled, low and slow.

“Why, you’re right about that, Chris of the J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency,” came the reply.

“Gosh! Tamsin Mixon-Bixon!” barked Star, the light flashing in her eyes.

“Gosh! Who woulda thunk it, Star,” taunted Tamsin.

“Tamsin Mixon-Bixon,” mewed Jasper Kitten, “if my instincts serve me correctly, you previously and deviously dyed the tip of your tail to match the rest of your British Blue Shorthair coat pattern, but you have suffered a self-inflicted wound by hosing the banquet room during the pudding lunch. The dye which you used to mask your white tipped tail and your very identity has worn off, saturated by water. And that is your mistake. A. Dead. Giveaway.”

The double barrel shotgun came an inch closer to Jasper Kitten’s furrowed Orange striped brow.

“I beg to differ, Jasper Kitten,” she taunted again, “and as you may have noticed, I do have you in my crosshairs. And did you useful clueless idiots really think I was that bad of a shot when I had you diving for cover and pinned to the roots of an oak tree during the shooting party for the Royal and Incredible British Shorthair Society?”

“You've played your paw entirely too soon, Tamsin Mixon-Bixon,” barked Jojo.

“Roger that, Ret. Sgt. Det. Jojo,” laughed Tamsin, tightening a toebean on the trigger.

The Critter Detectives gave Tamsin a cold and hard and silent stare. No one flinched. No one moved. Not a whisker. Not a toebean.

“What’s the matter? Is there something about a double barrel that’s interfering with the tandem teamwork of your toebeans, Detectives?” she asked. “Furthermore, Jasper Kitten, perhaps your white gloved paws really are no match for a white tipped tail.”

Jasper Kitten swatted the air in silence and to the side of the shotgun. Tamsin’s attention tracked with him and Star availed herself of the distraction with the full pound per pound strength and all of the years of her Senior Chihuahua can do attitude. The light flashed in her eyes as she launched herself in a direct hit that knocked Tamsin off all four feet. The shotgun flew out of Tamsin’s toebeans on her way to the ground and Jojo, trained to handle a firearm, caught it in the air. Star pressed Tamsin into a sploot on the floor.

“Gosh, Tamsin Mixon-Bixon,” barked Star, “you look a little caught off guard.”

“Good work, Star and Jojo,” cried Jasper Kitten, “and not a shot fired!” 

Tamsin howled and yowled and Star pressed down harder with her cinnamon brown paws. 

“And you are not a very nice person!” concluded Star.

“Get her up, Star. Please. Proceed,” mewed Jasper Kitten. 

“Gosh, you can stop splooting now,” barked Star, pulling Tamsin onto her toebeans. 

Jojo stepped closer, holding the shotgun by his side, and cuffed the white tipped tail adversary. The Canine Unit flanked Tamsin, forming a secure line of defense from which she could not escape. 

Chris inspected the end of the hallway where they stood, searching for a door and a flight of stairs, but found no exit. He ran his toebeans along the alcove, but it was seamless and walled off.

“Thank you, Chris. It is as I suspected,” acknowledged Jasper Kitten. “The attic has been sealed. The dumbwaiter is the only way in and the only way out.”

Jasper Kitten switched his headlamp on and they marched Tamsin back down the hall, observing her shift her eyes toward the three Victorian Kitten portraits at the same time that her white tipped tail puffed up and up and up. 

Returning to the catdoor, Star and Jojo continued to guard Tamsin while Jasper Kitten and Chris went ahead into the attic room. Jasper Kitten held the flap of the catdoor open open open and the Canine Unit guided Tamsin through it, following the white tip of her puffed up tail, and then flanked her once again in the room. 

Jasper Kitten flipped the light switch, but the overhead bare bulb remained off. His headlamp lit the way through the clutter and the Critters made their way back to the dumbwaiter and, with a clang and a bang, rode it back down to the kitchen. They hopped out next to the stove with Tamsin under continued close guard by the Canine Unit and the shotgun held in Jojo’s skillful protection.

“Star and Jojo, Tamsin must be confined in a secure location until we completely crack this case wide open,” commented Jasper Kitten, pocketing his headlamp as the Detectives huddled together.

“Roger, Jasper Kitten. May I suggest a corner of the Situation Room held under close guard by Cadets Clementine and Petal? I will stand guard at the entryway and ensure Dame Cleopatra’s security in the opposite corner of the Situation Room as well,” he saluted.

“Yes, Jojo, that will be sufficiently secure. Star, for the sake of security in transporting Tamsin to the Situation Room, please accompany Jojo. Chris and I will join you shortly,” instructed Jasper Kitten.

“On it, Jasper Kitten,” barked Star.

“And Jojo, uncuff Tamsin Mixon-Bixon once the Cadets stand guard. Please. Proceed.” Jasper Kitten stood aside of the Canine Unit.

“Roger that,” saluted Jojo.

After Star and Jojo departed for the Situation Room with Tamsin, Chris spotted a lukewarm bowl of fish stew next to the pot and polished it off.

“Please, forgive me for interrupting your dinner in the Tea Room, Chris,” said Jasper Kitten.

“Of course, Jasper Kitten. Interrupting meals comes with the territory of the J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency. Cracking the case simply cannot wait,” he affirmed, spotting a plate of kibble scones on the counter. He gathered them up and a cup of tea and followed Jasper Kitten out of the kitchen.

Meanwhile, back in the Situation Room, Jasper Kitten and Chris entered and observed Dame Cleopatra burrowed in her bed, sound asleep in one corner. In the opposite corner, Clementine and Petal stood guard over Tamsin Mixon-Bixon, a neutral expression on her resting British Blue Shorthair face that belied an inner turmoil and which Jasper Kitten suspected must be tap tap tapped into with all of his overt and covert skills of detection.

Jojo emptied the shotgun of its ammo and locked the munitions in a closet. He crossed the room and joined Jasper Kitten, Chris and Star as the Detectives conferred and concurred out of Tamsin’s hearing range. The Cadets kept their Serval ears tuned to their highest and most sensitive auditory level and listened with careful, close and keen interest.

“If my instincts serve me correctly, the psychological pressure on Tamsin will be huge, even enormous, now that she has been identified, apprehended and placed under guard. The security presence of the Cadets is also a compounding factor of great magnitude.”

“Of course, Jasper Kitten,” growled Chris, “cuz it sure doesn’t look like Tamsin Mixon-Bixon, who’s a little wide eyed at the moment, has ever seen the likes of Serval Cadets before.”

“Correct, Chris. They are clearly outside of her British Blue Shorthair life experience. Furthermore, I must conduct a thorough investigative interview of Tamsin and ascertain if she is acting alone or part of a bigger and even smoother operation,” concluded Jasper Kitten. 

“Gosh and oh my goodness, Jasper Kitten. Afterall, she’s not the only guest around here with a white tipped tail who may not be legit,” barked Star. 

“Yes, Star, and this is part of what concerns me,” replied Jasper Kitten. “Who, among the guests, is legit at Purrington? Who is illegit? Furthermore, what where when and why is this smooth operation really happening? For luvluvluv? For money money money?”

“Gosh, Lord Archibald claims to have no rightful heir. But what about an unrightful heir with a sense of lineal, intergenerational and inherited revenge?” asked Star.

“I see, Star,” mewed Jasper Kitten. “Mallory Southlands-West has a white tipped tail and has clearly demonstrated serious lapses in behavior at billiards. We must find out what motivated her to misbehave with such a lack and disregard of British Shorthair Society decorum. Was it mere frustration over a miscue? Did she fail to chalk up after every shot? Was she the real culprit who sent the threatening text to Cadet Clementine? And why, why I ask, did she deliberately and willfully trip Kitty Jones-Lovejoy?” 

Jasper Kitten swatted the air. Question. After. Question.

Chris nodded in the affirmative and cleared his throat. He held out a kibble scone and the tea cup. “You gotta eat, Jasper Kitten.”

“Thank you, Chris. But it must wait. We are close to cracking this case. I. Can. Feel. It.” Jasper Kitten swatted the air with a white gloved paw one more time and padded across the room to Tamsin.

She looked up at him and gave a subtle but nevertheless audible hiss.

“Tamsin Mixon-Bixon,” mewed Jasper Kitten. “I would like to ask you a few relevant and pertinent questions in regards to the Purrington Estate as well as the Annual Gathering of the Royal and Incredible British Shorthair Society.”

“Fire away, Jasper Kitten. I’m all ears,” she replied with a defiant tone.

Cadets Clementine and Petal moved a whisker closer to Tamsin and she moved a whisker back, her ears flattened.

“First, how do you know Lord Archibald and how did you make the guest list for the Annual Gathering of the Royal and Incredible British Shorthair Society?” asked Jasper Kitten.

“That is a double barrel question, Jasper Kitten,” said Tamsin. “Locked. And. Loaded.”

“Thank you, Tamsin Mixon-Bixon. If you would be so kind as to answer both parts of the question,” he said.

“For the record, I know Lord Archibald cuz he’s land rich and cash poor and quite frankly I’m new money,” she said in a tone as flattened as her ears.

“I see,” mewed Jasper Kitten. “Thank you for your candor. It is most surprising. I expected you to be more recalcitrant or even hostile rather than answering with such clarification of the facts.”

“Is that so?” she asked.

“How did you come into your new money?” Jasper Kitten deepened the inquiry of Tamsin.

“The old fashioned way, Jasper Kitten. I had investors,” she pointed out. “Although, I wouldn’t exactly call them angels.”

“I see,” he mewed. “You own a start up technology company, is that correct?” 

“That is correct. I work in robotics and hold several patents for self-cleaning litterboxes,” she said.

“The market has been quite favorable and lucrative in this regard for you?” inquired Jasper Kitten.

“It sure has,” she affirmed with pride, her white tip tail puffing up. 

“Thank you very much for the clarification and again I do so appreciate your cooperation, Tamsin Mixon-Bixon,” Jasper Kitten said with a furrowed Orange striped brow. “Now. Your companion, Jeremy Sox-Box.”

“What about him?” she snarled.

“Is he an accomplice of yours?” Jasper Kitten did not mince words with Tamsin Mixon-Bixon.

“Of course not, Jasper Kitten. Jeremy is simply another useful clueless idiot. Perhaps you are in need of another Detective to join your agency? I brought him here to make me look good among such, shall we say, polite society,” laughed Tamsin. 

“And he is not in fact a British Blue Shorthair with a dyed white tipped tail?” pressed Jasper Kitten.

“Hardly,” she jeered. “He’s barely even a British Shorthair. I found him in an alley in London.”

“I see,” mewed Jasper Kitten.

“Is there anything else or can you let me out of this squalid pile of a Manor House?” asked Tamsin with a slight hiss of emphasis on squalid.

“There is one other question that I have for you,” replied Jasper Kitten.

“And what might that be from the world renowned Detective who finds himself at the illustrious Purrington Estate?” she yawned.

“Tamsin Mixon-Bixon, please forgive me if I am boring you. However. You have a white tipped tail, have you not?”

“Yes, Jasper Kitten, since you put it that way, yes, I have a white tipped tail. And?”

“And so does another guest here,” he continued.

“You mean that little brat? Oh. What’s her name? Mallory. She’s apparently been coming here since she was a kitten. She’s got it in for Kitty Jones-Lovejoy. You should have seen Mallory trip her with a cue stick in the billiards room. Sent her flying right into the kibble scones. Hilarious. Classic. A real brat move,” elaborated Tamsin.

“Why is that?” queried Jasper Kitten.

“Well, the talk about town is that during Mallory’s juvenile phase, Kitty caught Mallory stealing jewelry from her during one of the Annual Gatherings of the Royal and Incredible British Shorthair Society. A gold plated and diamond laced name tag, so I’ve been told. No luvluvluv has been lost between them since then.”

“I see,” mewed Jasper Kitten. “Mallory broked the eleventh commandment.”

“What is that?” asked Tamsin.

“She got caught,” clarified Jasper Kitten. “And so did you, Tamsin Mixon-Bixon. I have no further questions at this time.”

She glared at Jasper Kitten, her ears still flattened.

He nodded to the Cadets and they moved in closer to continue their guard. Jasper Kitten strode across the room and rejoined Chris, Star and Jojo.

“Why, what’s the deal with Tamsin Mixon-Bixon and Mallory Southlands-West?” growled Chris, low and slow. “Mallory’s gotta white tipped tail, but she’s not hiding it, so what gives with Tamsin Mixon-Bixon?”

“Gosh, Jasper Kitten, do you think she’s telling the truth?” barked Star.

“Good questions, Chris and Star. Tamsin is telling part of the truth,” affirmed Jasper Kitten. “But. Not. The. Whole. Truth.” 

“Jasper Kitten,” barked Jojo, “do you suspect the part of the truth that Tamsin has omitted pertains to her possible genetic and ancestral connection to Mallory, going back to Theo Purrington-Smith and the Victorian Era violence?”

The Critter Detectives looked at the table of evidence and the covered bog body of Reginald. A moment of silence stole over them.

“Yes, Jojo, there is a hint of that in the air,” replied Jasper Kitten, swatting a white gloved paw as he took a deep deep breath, held it for a moment, and then exhaled all the way out.

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

Poetry with Pets

Knocked off all four feet

Pound per pound Chihuahua strength

Not a shot fired

By Jasper Kitten, Chris and Jojo in luvluvluving memory of Star

Thank you for reading luvluvluv Jasper Kitten, Chris, and Jojo

Critters! Catch up on all of the mystery and adventure with The Case of the Bowled Over Bowler Hat! Book Number 2! Brought to you by the J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency!

Chap. 1🐾Chap. 2🐾Chap. 3🐾Chap. 4🐾Chap. 5🐾Chap. 6🐾Chap.7🐾Chap. 8🐾Chap. 9🐾Chap. 10🐾Chap. 11🐾Chap. 12🐾Chap. 13🐾Chap. 14🐾Chap. 15

Furthermore!

The Case of the Misplaced Priority Envelope! The Complete Book Number 1!

Chap. 1🐾Chap. 2🐾Chap. 3🐾Chap. 4🐾Chap. 5🐾Chap. 6🐾Chap. 7🐾Chap. 8🐾Chap. 9🐾Chap. 10🐾Chap. 11🐾Chap. 12🐾Chap. 13🐾Chap.14🐾Chap. 15🐾Chap. 16🐾Chap. 17🐾Chap. 18🐾Chap. 19🐾Chap. 20

(Coming soon to IngramSpark, too!)

The Case of the Misplaced Priority Envelope