Conversations with Critters

Walk with the animals. Talk with the animals. And the highly anticipated release of Chapter 13 of The Case of the Bowled Over Bowler Hat!

Today, Critters, we are pleased to present the highly anticipated release of Chapter 13 of The Case of the Bowled Over Bowler Hat! Brought to you by the ever steady and at the ready J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency! Because! It’s time for our Detective Tuesday Post!

Previously! The search was on for the missing disappearing Dame Cleopatra, the British Shorthair Calico and President of the Royal and Incredible British Shorthair Society. Please, welcome our Core Community Critters, Jasper Kitten, Chris and Jojo in excellent baker’s dozen thirteenth chapter critter commentary and conversation. Take. It. Away!

Jasper: Welcome welcome, Critters! Where oh where is the Calico!

Chris: Thank you, Jasper. For clarification, a baker’s dozen is 13. Therefore and furthermore, are we going to eat a baker’s dozen of Kibble Scones? I’m ready and set to go go go!

Jojo: Thank you for the clarification, Chris. It’s like my senior years cuz until last week I was 13. Now I’m 14.

Chris: Good to know, Jojo. We both had birthdays over the weekend, so I’ll see you in the Test Kitchen. Party. And in the meantime, Critters, please stay tuned! We’re about to find out what happens next!

THE CASE OF THE BOWLED OVER BOWLER HAT

BOOK 2 FROM THE J KITTEN, SLEUTH & PURVEYOR OF BRIGHT SHINY OBJECTS DETECTIVE AGENCY

BY JASPER KITTEN, CHRIS, JOJO AND STAR IN HEAVEN FUREVER AND EVER

DEDICATED IN LUVLUVLUVING MEMORY OF STAR

CHAPTER 13

DOUBLE BARREL

The crack of a gunshot rang out across the Purrington grounds. Jasper Kitten, Chris and Star were all ears while one bang followed another in the distance.

“Gosh, it sounds like the Purrington Estate is under siege!” surmised Star, the light flashing in her eyes.

“Yes, I see,” mewed Jasper Kitten as they stood in the open expanse of the lawn, searching, searching for the missing Cleopatra.

“Why, it’s either that or the age old British Shorthair tradition of shooting after a lunch of pudding,” growled Chris, loud and proud.

Far across the lawn, Tamsin Mixon-Bixon felt the recoil of the double barrel shotgun against her British Blue Shorthair shoulder. The shot went wildly astray from the clay pigeon high up up up in the air and the scatter grazed an oak in the distance.

“Gosh and oh my goodness, that shot whizzed past my ear!” barked Star.

The Critter Detectives dove for cover at the base of the tree. A chunk of bark ripped off in close and direct proximity to their heads. They pressed themselves into the ground and found shelter between the great lateral oak roots.

Successive shots continued to ring out and cries of victory roared along with them. Archibald’s voice floated to the Detectives' keen auditory senses. They dared to look above the level of the roots at the shooting party, then ducked again as more shots exploded and bark splintered over their heads.

Across the expanse of the lawn, Jasper Kitten, Chris and Star watched a clay pigeon explode in the air.

“Good shot, Maximus! You bring honor to the Jones-Lovejoy name!”

“Thank you, Lord Archibald!”

“Jeremy Sox-Box, you’re up next! Welcome to Purrington! You’re not in London anymore! Pull!”

A round of laughter shot into the air as Jeremy squeezed the trigger. 

“Good try, old chap!” cried Archibald as a clay pigeon fell whole to the ground.

“Kitty! Kitty!” cried Archibald.

Kitty Jones-Lovejoy took aim at the air and shattered the clay pigeon with a first and single shot.

“Smithereens!” called Archibald. “You’ve always been the best of the best shots! A real sniper, Kitty!”

“Thank you, your Lordship!” she replied.

“Isadore and Elizabeth Sparks-Stokes! Get those trigger toebeans ready set go!” 

Simultaneous shots rang out as the clay pigeons shattered at once.

“Hip hip hooray!” cheered Archibald.

“Sunny and Opal Bertram-Turner! Post haste! Post pudding! Fire!” Archibald continued to cheer.

Two more clay pigeons shattered to a great round of applause.

Jasper Kitten, Chris and Star spied the flash of a white tipped tail. Mallory Southlands-West fired off a shot and bits of clay and shouts of praise exploded together.

Smoke drifted toward the Detectives from the shot blasts, turning the air acrid until it settled in the rain.

“My esteemed friends, billiards is up next on the agenda!” called Archibald and the British Shorthairs moseyed back to the Manor House.

In the quiet that ensued, Jasper Kitten, Chris and Star stood up one by one from the protection of the tree roots and examined the shot off pieces of bark.

Jasper Kitten reached out with his white gloved paw to the surface of the tree and a deep deep set of bygone initials carved before them. 

“RP-S,” he mewed.

Chris and Star gathered round.

“Gosh, even the hyphen is carved in the bark!” barked Star.

“Critters, please also observe a mathematical mark in the bark,” commented Jasper Kitten.

“You mean…,” said Star.

“Are you saying…,” said Chris.

“Correct. Please. Observe the presence of the plus sign in the mathematical symbolism.”

Chris tap tapped a toebean against the bark.

RP-S + VS-W

They gave each other a knowing nod toward the tree.  

“Reginald Purrington-Smith,” mewed Jasper Kitten. “Furthermore and as I recall from the registries in the library, the entry of VS-W must stand for Vanessa Southlands-West.”

“Why, they must have been a hot item back in their day,” growled Chris, low and slow.

Star traced her cinnamon brown paw along the carved letters.

“Gosh, Jasper Kitten, this makes the legacy of Mallory Southlands-West as a member of the Royal and Incredible British Shorthair Society much more personal and intergenerational than simply carrying on the participation of her parents,” considered Star.

“Correct, Star,” replied Jasper Kitten with a furrow of his Orange striped brow. “Mallory’s presence reaches far back into the past. But just how personal is it? Yes. I wonder.”

“It seems kinda fishy to me,” said Chris, tapping a toebean on the carved plus sign.

“Correct, Chris,” mewed Jasper Kitten. “This plus sign certainly changes the calculus of how to connect the generations. It. Certainly. Does.”

Jasper Kitten patted the carvings with his white gloved paw and lingered a moment longer, tracing a toebean across the bark. 

“What is it, Jasper Kitten?” asked Star.

“Here, come closer Star and Chris. Trace your toebeans here,” he tapped on the tree. “There’s something else here, but it’s not carved as deep deep as the other marks in the bark.”

“Why, there’s another carving!” cried Chris.

“Gosh and oh my goodness!” cried Star.

“Correct. 4EVER,” read Jasper Kitten out loud. “This changes the calculus indeed. It. Is. Definitive.”

“Gosh. But how does it connect with the mysterious disappearance of Dame Cleopatra? The guests were so quick to accept the narrative that she has a behavioral pattern of pulling disappearing acts,” barked Star.

“In my humble opinion of the mysterious disappearance of the Dame Cleopatra,” growled Chris, “I’d say the official British Shorthair Society story is a fictional narrative. Full. Stop.”

“Gosh, Chris, I have a sneaking suspicion that you’re right about that,” agreed Star, her gaze fixed on the carved initials.

“You may very well be right, Chris,” nodded Jasper Kitten. “We’ve got to keep looking for her now that the air is clear. I fear that she may be in grave mortal danger.”

“Do you suppose that there’s a connection between the water damage at the Top Cat Pub and the hosed banquet room?” asked Star. “Is someone trying to flush out Dame Cleopatra? And if so, then why?”

“Yes, exactly, Star,” agreed Jasper Kitten.

“Gosh, perhaps she knows too much or stumbled across some sensitive information with all of the Ginger Ale that she has consumed!” cried Star.

“Please, consider the following, Critters. If my instincts serve me correctly, the electrical similarities between the hardwired source of the email threats, which we traced from the library modem to the Top Cat Pub where Dame Cleopatra was staying in the Snug, combined with the latest and greatest snafu with the lights going out in the banquet room must be related to each other as acts of sabotage. That and, dare I say it out loud, the sabotage with water.” Jasper Kitten took a deep breath.

“Why, that’s a potentially lethal combo!” cried Chris.

The Critters gulped hard.

“Correct, Chris. Electricity and water spell nothing but trouble. Critters, this is an all paws on deck moment!” Jasper Kitten swatted the air with a white gloved paw once and then twice.

“Jasper Kitten, even with my Senior Chihuahua can do attitude and my pound per pound strength, we need the entire Canine Unit to conduct this imperative search for Dame Cleopatra,” confirmed Star.

“I see, Star,” mewed Jasper Kitten. “Now is most definitely the time to call for backup. Please. Proceed.”

Chris passed his phone to Star and she clasped it in her cinnamon brown paws.

Meanwhile, back at the Manor House, Clementine and Petal wrung the last drops of water out of the mops and returned them to the storage closet in the Situation Room along with the buckets and squeegees. 

Their phone pinged. Clementine read the screen that lit up with an urgent message.

“Ret. Sgt. Det. Jojo, it’s a text for backup from Star! She needs the full pound per pound strength and years of experience of the entire Canine Unit! Immediately!”

“On it!” he barked. “Cadets Clementine and Petal, you are to remain as vigilant as ever in the Situation Room. But! I need you to keep watch on the guests, too. They are playing billiards which seems benign enough. However. We cannot risk letting our guard down and finding ourselves quite literally behind the eight ball.”

“Roger that!” they cried at attention.

“Clementine, you are on duty with the guests. Petal, stay here.”

The Cadets saluted and moved to their stations.

Jojo raced out of the Situation Room and made a hard turn onto the lawn, running full bore through the ever increasing rain toward his Detective companions and then and all together the Critters ran flat out to the Top Cat Pub.

They slowed to a crawl at the side of the road, the thatched cottage shuttered and seemingly vacant across the way.

“Why, what kinda renovations is this Pub really closed for?” questioned Chris.

A truck rumbled by and the Critters looked both ways, right and then left, and darted across the road on the border of the Village of Mewingham, still quiet and deserted in the middle of the day.

They stole around to the back. Jasper Kitten grasped the knob of the door and it turned easily with the finesse and dexterity of his white gloved paws. The Critter Detectives stepped into the darkened and dank interior and shut the door behind them with a soft push, all of their senses on instinctive high alert, right down to the wits of their whiskers.

Jasper Kitten led them into the Snug where they had first and foremost seen Dame Cleopatra. An empty pint glass was knocked over on the table and the fire had long since burned out in a pile of ashes, woodsmoke still scenting the room.

The wire that Chris had previously severed from outside stretched up the Snug wall and through the ceiling. The Critters nodded with implicit understanding and continued toward the main room and stairs. The Canine Unit made an immediate and rapid security sweep of the bar and dining room and gave the paws up A-okay signal.

The Detectives climbed the stairs and stopped outside a closed door and listened, listened, all ears for any movement within.

Satisfied that all was well, Jasper Kitten again grasped the doorknob in his white gloved paws and finessed the door open open open. A shaft of light fell across the floor from the window. Stock still, they dared not move a single solitary whisker among them for a blast from the past stood and stared before them, braced on an easel, definitive and distinguished in the annals of time.

“Gosh,” exhaled Star under the bark of her breath.

“Yes, I see,” mewed Jasper Kitten.

“Why, that’s no Dame,” growled Chris, low and slow.

“That’s the Lord of the Manor,” said Jojo with his tried and true Terrier temperament, “from the Victorian Era a very very long time ago.”

“Correct, Critters,” confirmed Jasper Kitten. “We have found one of the missing Victorian Era portraits and it is none other than Theo Purrington-Smith.”

Jasper Kitten inched closer to the easel.

“Observe his name writ large on this gold plated placard.”

The Critter Detectives gathered round.

“And there’s something else,” nodded Jasper Kitten with a deep deep furrow of his Orange striped brow.

An audible collective gasp filled the room.

“Theo Purrington-Smith is painted true to life. With. A. White. Tipped. Tail.” Jasper Kitten swatted the shaft of light and a translucent cloud of dust danced and floated away.

“Gosh and oh my goodness, Critters! It sure looks like there was a Victorian Era luvluvluv triangle!” surmised Star. “Reginald! Vanessa! And Theo!”

“Correct, Star,” mewed Jasper Kitten. “And I believe we have discovered what led to the bad outcome in the bog.”

A ping went off and Chris tapped a toebean on his phone screen.

“Critters!” he cried. “It’s a text from Clementine back at the billiard room in the Manor House! Behind the eight ball!” growled Chris, loud and proud.

“We must go back!” barked Jojo.

“Wait! There’s more! Received text from Blocked Sender, ‘Sure Cadets. Guard that bicentennial bog body. Best of luck with it.’”

“Why, that’s a super smooth threat in my humble opinion,” Chris growled with a tap of his toebean against the phone.

“Jojo and Chris, you’re right,” confirmed Jasper Kitten. “C’mon, Critters, we gotta go go go!”

They heard a door slam downstairs and then heavy footsteps on the stairs, climbing up and up and up.

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

Poetry with Pets

Shooting clay pigeons

Dive for cover in the roots

Of an old oak tree

By Jasper Kitten, Chris & Jojo

Thank you for reading luvluvluv Jasper Kitten, Chris, Star in Heaven Furever & Ever, and Jojo

Critters! Catch up on all of the mystery and adventure with The Case of the Bowled Over Bowler Hat! Book Number 2! Brought to you by the J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency!

Chap. 1🐾Chap. 2🐾Chap. 3🐾Chap. 4🐾Chap. 5🐾Chap. 6🐾Chap.7🐾Chap. 8🐾Chap. 9🐾Chap. 10🐾Chap. 11🐾Chap. 12🐾

Furthermore!

The Case of the Misplaced Priority Envelope! The Complete Book Number 1!

Chap. 1🐾Chap. 2🐾Chap. 3🐾Chap. 4🐾Chap. 5🐾Chap. 6🐾Chap. 7🐾Chap. 8🐾Chap. 9🐾Chap. 10🐾Chap. 11🐾Chap. 12🐾Chap. 13🐾Chap.14🐾Chap. 15🐾Chap. 16🐾Chap. 17🐾Chap. 18🐾Chap. 19🐾Chap. 20

(Coming soon to IngramSpark, too!)

The Case of the Misplaced Priority Envelope