Conversations with Critters
Walk with the animals. Talk with the animals. And the highly anticipated release of Chapter 2 from The Case of the Bowled Over Bowler Hat!
Today, Critters, the J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency has cleared Customs at London Heathrow and navigated their way in an original Mini to the location location location of a Country Manor House. They are poised at the ancient and ancestral oak front door. Jasper Kitten has rapped three times. Open open open.
Please, join our Core Community Critters, Jasper Kitten, Chris and Jojo in excellent who what where when and why commentary and conversation.
Jasper: Hello, Dear Gentle Readers and Dear Gentle Critters! State your Coat Pattern!
Chris: Who what where when and why is right! What. Will. Happen. Next!
Jojo: Question mark. Question mark. So let’s find out!
THE CASE OF THE BOWLED OVER BOWLER HAT
BOOK 2 FROM THE J KITTEN, SLEUTH & PURVEYOR OF BRIGHT SHINY OBJECTS DETECTIVE AGENCY
BY JASPER KITTEN, CHRIS, JOJO AND STAR IN HEAVEN FUREVER AND EVER
DEDICATED IN LUVLUVLUVING MEMORY OF STAR
CHAPTER 2
GINGER VS ORANGE
The massive door creaked open and a British Shorthair dressed in a Butler’s suit stood before them.
“Yes? May I help you?” he said, peering out at them.
“Good afternoon. Please, allow me to introduce myself. I am Jasper Kitten of the J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency, and these are my highly esteemed colleagues, Chris and our Canine Unit, Star and Jojo. We are here to meet with Lord Archibald Purrington-Smith.”
“Ah yes, the world renowned Ginger Sleuth, we have been expecting you. Your reputation, of course, precedes you, Jasper Kitten.”
“I see,” mewed Jasper Kitten.
“Why did he call Jasper Kitten, ginger?” whispered Star to Jojo.
“It’s a difference in terminology, Star,” he whispered back. “It means, orange.”
“Oh my goodness, English is a very idiomatic and confounding language. Saying ginger versus orange is a cross cultural conundrum,” she pointed out with a cinnamon brown paw. “And who is that guy anyway?”
”That’s the Butler,” whispered Jojo. “Manor Houses have Butlers.”
”Gosh, that’s quite a departure from our Condo.”
Jasper Kitten held onto the Attache Case and entered the security code to the locks with a decisive and deft move of his white gloved paw. The latches popped open and he withdrew the light blue Airmail letter.
“I present to you this light blue Airmail letter which we received most recently at our Condo in the Wooded Valley across the Pond and which has invited us here to meet with the illustrious Lord Archibald Purrington-Smith in his ancient and ancestral furever home on the Purrington Estate.”
He extended the envelope toward the Butler, the bold lettering marked Urgent, Personal, and of the Utmost Immediate Importance visible in plain sight.
“Furthermore,” said Jasper Kitten, “the return address is, From across the Pond. The Purrington Estate, England.”
“Yes. Quite,” replied the British Shorthair Butler who remained in the doorway, unmovable.
Jasper Kitten furrowed his Orange striped brow and shifted on his toebeans while Chris, Star and Jojo stood behind him.
”The Lord of the Manor is not, shall we say, entirely comfortable with canines on the premises,” said the Butler after a long pause.
“I see,” mewed Jasper Kitten.
The light flashed in Star’s eyes while Jojo stood at attention, quiet and still. He leaned toward Jasper Kitten.
“Would it help if I salute the Butler?” asked Jojo.
“Thank you for the question, Jojo, but in all sincerity, that may not be the appropriate form of deference and decorum at this most sensitive of times,” said Jasper Kitten as he read the stony expression of the Butler.
“Please, I can assure you, my Canine Unit of the J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency is most respectful and well socialized with felines.”
The Butler nodded in a slow assent and showed them into the Manor House.
“Kindly wait here,” said the Butler. “I will inform Lord Archibald of your arrival.”
“Gosh,” whispered Star, “this Manor House foyer is as big as our Condo, but not nearly as airy. Do you think this place has a Catio?”
“According to my historical research of the Purrington Estate and the Country Manor House, a Catio may be too recent of an architectural feature to be included in the floorplan, Star,” replied Jasper Kitten. “Although, perhaps one of the outbuildings on the Estate functions as a Catio.”
“Why, get a load of what we’ve walked into, Jasper Kitten,” growled Chris, low and slow.
They craned their necks up up up the dark paneled walls to the ceiling, from row to row of family portraits of British Shorthairs that stared down at them from bygone eras.
“If my instincts serve me correctly,” mewed Jasper Kitten, “the British Shorthairs trace their ancestry all the way back to Ancient Egypt.”
“Gosh,” said Star, “that’s an awfully long time ago and so far away, Jasper Kitten.”
They continued to scan the gallery of portraits until the Butler returned.
“Lord Archibald is ready to receive you in the Library. Please, come this way.”
The Critters followed the Butler down a long hallway lined with more ancestral portraits and adorned with statues of British Shorthairs on pedestals. They entered the library as the Butler announced them.
“Lord Archibald, I present the J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency,” he intoned and then bowed out of the room.
A stately British Blue Shorthair stood at the far end of the library, at the desk situated in front of a large bay window. Stacks of books rested on the desk and a grandfather clock ticked behind it.
“Please, come in, I have been expecting you,” he exclaimed, walking toward them from behind the desk.
“Lord Archibald, on behalf of the J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency, it is indeed our honor to meet you,” mewed Jasper Kitten.
“Indeed, Jasper Kitten,” replied Archibald. “Indeed. But first, I must offer my profound gratitude to you for helping me so soon after solving The Case of the Misplaced Priority Envelope. Word of your investigative success in cracking the case of wildlife trafficking on the Farallon Islands has traveled around the world at breakneck speed.”
“Thank you, Lord Archibald, although with all due humility, I cannot take all of the credit,” said Jasper Kitten looking toward Chris, Star and Jojo.
“Yes. Actually. Jasper Kitten as you say, I simply must acknowledge the group detective effort,” bowed the illustrious British Shorthair toward Chris, Star and Jojo.
“Gosh, Mr. Lord of the Manor, your light blue Airmail letter really jumped out at us from a great big bag of mail, and I do mean huge, when we got home to our Condo right on the tail of solving The Case of the Misplaced Priority Envelope,” commented and confirmed Star.
“Your efforts in sorting through many inquiries and accolades received in your postbag will not go unnoticed or unrecognized on the part of the Purrington Estate. I commend the full and entire J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency and welcome you to my ancestral home,” avowed Archibald.
“Gosh, did you say postbag instead of mailbag?” asked Star.
“I did. Yes. Actually,” he replied.
“Oh my goodness, I feel like I’m learning a new language since arriving in England,” barked Star.
“Yes, there are certain distinct linguistic differences between our countries,” said Archibald.
“Mr. Lord of the Manor, are you specifically speaking the Queen’s English?” asked Star, the light flashing in her eyes.
“Yes, Star, you would be correct in your astute assessment of my use of the English language,” replied Archibald.
“Gosh. Or perhaps, more accurately, I should say, Posh. Thank you for the clarification, Mr. Lord of the Manor,” she said.
“You are most welcome,” he said.
“Speaking of subtle but distinct differences in our usage of the language,” mewed Jasper Kitten, “I would surmise that we are, in fact, on the same page about the urgency of your mysterious situation, Lord Archibald.”
“Yes, Jasper Kitten,” he replied.
Jasper Kitten unlocked his Attache Case and produced the light blue Airmail letter.
“Lord Archibald, please allow me to point with my white gloved paw to these bold faced words, Urgent, Personal, and of the Utmost Immediate Importance for the sake of clarity.”
Archibald placed his monocle up to his right eye.
“You are quite correct, Jasper Kitten. You see, we are rapidly approaching the date in a mere two days for the Annual Gathering of the Royal and Incredible British Shorthair Society on the Purrington Estate. But I have received grave threats against my life and of that of my guests,” cried Archibald.
“I see,” mewed Jasper Kitten. “You have indicated this grave threatening situation which is fraught with peril in your light blue Airmail letter. The J Kitten, Sleuth & Purveyor of Bright Shiny Objects Detective Agency takes this level of threat very very seriously. Very. Seriously. Indeed.”
Jasper Kitten swatted the air with a white gloved paw. Archibald flinched and blinked.
“Thank you, Jasper Kitten. I cannot overstate my level of concern,” cried Archibald again. “I desperately need your help to keep my life and the lives of my most highly esteemed guests safe.”
“The urgency of the matter clearly cannot be overstated, Lord Archibald” stated Jasper Kitten. “We are here at your service.”
“Oh thank goodness you are here! My prayers have been answered!” Archibald removed his monocle and wiped a tear from his eye.
“We are ready to get to work straightaway,” affirmed Jasper Kitten.
“But you have all had a long journey to join me here on the Purrington Estate. Would you first like to rest before Tea is served?” inquired Archibald.
“Thank you for your consideration and inquiry, Lord Archibald,” replied Jasper Kitten, turning with an inquisitive look toward Chris, Star and Jojo.
“We managed to get some shut eye on the long haul flight which was almost the same number of hours as our regular fifteen, sixteen hours of sleep per day,” said Chris.
“Of course,” said Archibald.
“Mr. Lord of the Manor, we feel quite refreshed already as Chris has said, even after traveling transatlantically from across the Pond,” confirmed Star.
“Why, even sitting in the Middle Seat in Coach, I feel pretty darn good. I’m. At. The. Ready,” said Chris and he flexed a toebean toward Archibald who flinched and blinked.
“I recently retired, but a little R & R is not on my radar at this critical initial investigative moment,” said Jojo.
“Lord Archibald, we’re good to go,” confirmed Jasper Kitten.
“Yes, very well. In that case, I dare say, let us properly gather in the Tea Room promptly at 5 o’clock. I will have the Butler show you the way momentarily,” said Archibald and departed from the library.
“Gosh, he seems kinda jumpy,” said Star.
“Yes, I noticed that too,” mewed Jasper Kitten.
“Maybe he’s just a little nervous about having us show up to crack the case,” said Jojo.
“Good point, Jojo. The stakes are quite high for him,” said Chris, tapping a toebean on a stack of books.
“Gosh, these books all look like First Editions,” squinted Star.
Jasper Kitten returned the light blue Airmail letter to the Attache Case and withdrew Star’s backup pair of reading glasses.
“Oh, thank you so much, Jasper Kitten. You think of everything,” she said, adjusting her reading glasses and continuing to scan the bookcases.
“Did you also pack our set of four magnifying glasses?” she asked.
“Naturally. And I have my pocket magnifying glass and headlamp as well,” he confirmed.
“Jasper Kitten, can you imagine what I would look like if I wore a monocle like our host, Mr. Lord of the Manor?”
“That would be quite a sight to behold, Star,” quipped Jasper Kitten, pulling out a leather bound first edition of The Wind in the Willows from a shelf.
Chris scaled the bookcase ladder and searched the upper shelves and Jojo sorted through a stack of brochures from previous years of the Annual Gathering of the Royal and Incredible British Shorthair Society. Star padded back over to the library desk.
“Gosh, look at this Old World Globe on a floor stand,” she said, giving it a spin with a cinnamon brown paw.
Chris felt the ladder rock from side to side and he braced his toebeans on the top rung. The bookcase shifted and started to swing open. He looked down as the entire wall rotated, but what he saw was no longer the library into which they had entered. A rush of cold air engulfed him and then everything was silent as he stood, clinging to the ladder, in the dark, all alone.
🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾
Poetry with Pets
Orange or Ginger
Ancient and ancestral door
Slowly creak open
By Jasper Kitten, Chris & Jojo
WOW! What a cliffhanger and a hanger-on for the bookcase ladder! I hope there's a hedgehog somewhere in the story or even a dormouse :)
Great chapter, Heidi! Excited to watch this unfold.