Conversations with Critters
Walk with the animals. Talk with the animals. And a Dynamic Duo cooks up a kitchen-based antic…
Today, Critters, we continue our Special Series, featuring the Reader Submissions of your very own Favorite Antics. With our deep deep thanks to one of our Esteemed Readers, we are about to cook up a storm as a dynamic duo joins forces to completely outdo themselves in the Case of the Purloined Pot Roast. We now reach back in time to this historic and yet previously unrecorded event of epic proportions. Please join us now in excellent and incredibly talented beyond belief critter conversation.
Heidi: Hello and welcome welcome, Friends! We are so pleased to have you here with us and we are going to take a deep deep dive into more of our Reader Submissions of Favorite Antics!
Jasper: Hello, Critters!
Chris: What.
Jasper: Friends, if you haven’t seen our previous post, featuring Kermit the Frog, we will provide the link below, so you can catch up with us! We are moving at such a rapid pace in order to keep up with all of our Reader Submissions.
Furthermore, we are so incredibly impressed with what a runaway success we had with our First Post in this series of Reader Submissions of Favorite Antics! Kermit went on the lam and led the way for Critters One and All! A brief recap is in order!
Chris: Critters! A text is coming in from an undisclosed location!
Jasper: Tell us everything, Chris! Read it outloud!
Chris: It’s from Kermit! He went back to his home in the Mountains and is rapidly adjusting to the altitude. He says he went higher and higher in order to rescue his beloved Minnie Mouse from the top of the Hooman’s headboard. They are well oxygenated and enjoying each other’s company and will return to Conversations with Critters due to popular demand. The end.
Jasper: Excellent! And with that confirmed confirmation, we must move on now to share the Historic Antic of Julius and Suzy-Q!
Chris: Thank you, Jasper, for this lead in. Critters, this Antic is provided by one of our Esteemed Readers who tells us this tale from the annals of time when she was in High School. O’kay, here goes! I hope we can do this story justice because it is so incredible.
Jasper: Critters, it happened at Dinner Time. In the Kitchen. Julius, a renowned Siamese Cat teamed up with one said Suzy-Q, a Beagle with illustrious olfactory skills.
Chris: Jasper, we must also point out that the illustrious olfactory skills of Suzy-Q come in a full and extensive breed specific skill set for Beagles. Full stop. Gosh. I’m out of breath.
Jasper: Yes, good point. Beagles are hounds and can trace a scent from 500 yards away on average.
Chris: That’s the length of five football fields. And for our readers who think in metric measurements, that’s 457.2 meters.
Jasper: Thank you for the metric conversion, Chris. So, imagine if you will, how powerful the scent of a purloined Pot Roast is when you are located in your own Kitchen. It is that close. It is that personal. In fact, please allow me to share a photo of a Beagle for the edification and enjoyment of our readers.
Chris: So, then what happened?
Jasper: Well, Critters, what happened next requires very little imagination. Because. The Hoomans in the Household became rather, shall we say, distracted.
Chris: Yes, point well taken. It doesn’t take too too much for that to happen. Full stop.
Jasper: Correct. The cook of the family, after removing the now fully cooked roast, set it on the carving board and then left the kitchen to locate the other family members, including five children, scattered throughout the home.
Chris: Take it from me. I am stationed by my food bowl at a time like this. But go figure. Hoomans.
Jasper: Agreed. This is clearly a flaw in how Hooman’s prepare for dinner. At least, they can cook in this story. So there’s that.
Chris: There is. Correct.
Jasper: This is where the story gets very dramatic, my friends. So far, we have merely discussed the family formalities of and surrounding the roast. The cooking, the searching, the timing of their next meal.
Chris: I’m all ears, Jasper.
Jasper: So, now, Julius springs into action! With the finesse of his toe beans, he knocks the roast right off of the counter. Due to the effects of Gravity, the roast falls at a steady and calculated rate to the open Beagle jaws of one said Suzy-Q.
Chris: Suzy-Q makes the catch!
Jasper: Julius, also follows the effects of Gravity, and jumps from the counter to the floor. Thus, they partake in a meal together. They. Are. A. Team. And the Hoomans. Well, they had to pivot.
Chris: Did they go without dinner that night of the purloined pot roast?
Jasper: Nope. According to legend, they ordered a pizza.
Chris: Together, Julius and Suzy-Q prove once again that dogs and cats are capable of living together in perfect and coordinated harmony. Teamwork. Furever.
Jasper: This is truly one for the history books, Critters.
Chris: I luvluvluv this story so much, Jasper. On behalf of all of us here at Conversations with Critters, we sincerely thank our Esteemed Reader for sharing this story, a cherished memory from the annals of time while in High School. We honor the memory of Julius and Suzy-Q. Furever. The. End.
Jasper: Thank you, Critters, for being here with us. We’ll see you next time when we share further antics from your very own submissions!
Chris: Until then, stay safe and have fun out there!
🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾
Poetry with Pets
A kitchen antic
Coordinated effort
A roast hits the deck
By Jasper Kitten & Chris in luvluvluving memory of Julius & Suzy-Q
[Photo of Kermit & M. Mouse courtesy of Cheryl Patzer]
I love this line: "Case of the Purloined Pot Roast." :)
The Eldest Male Degus have passed onto the Rainbow Bridge, but one of them, Banting teamed up with his brother, Best (Yes, they were named after the doctors because degus were first used in diabetes research as they cannot metabolize sugar) and when I had my back turned to look at my bookshelf on the other side of the room, STOLE MY SHREDDED WHEAT BISCUIT.
I usually had breakfast upstairs with them when I worked from home or when I was unemployed. I eat my Shredded Wheats dry, and usually gave them the bits at the bottom of the bowl as a treat. They shared the biscuit, and didn't fight over it, which was nice to NOT have to experience the very loud angry squeaks and groans. So even rodents like to purloin Hoomin foods.